WHAT IS LOVE???

A Poem by Ellen Hammond

WHAT IS LOVE ???

Love is a word which is used and abused perhaps more than any other, yet it is often the least understood or explained. The smallest of infants, newly born, even before birth, know love, need love, yearn for it and thrive on it. The absence of love creates problems that last a lifetime: a hunger never sated, a craving for affection, an insecurity never outgrown, and a loneliness and hurt buried deep within.

Love is not fragile. It can last through many trials and tribulations, becoming even stronger from giving it selflessly. True love comes in many forms but it is not deterred by a flaw in the beloved's character. It does not demand perfection nor require a constant return of affection. Love is not just an emotion, controlled by moods; it is not just spoken nor shown in only certain ways. It is an entire way of life. Love not lived is dead! There is much less need for spoken reassurances of love when you put the other's feelings and needs ahead of your own. Consideration, thoughtfulness, and tenderness are all part of expressing love. One look in a person's eyes can tell you far more than a lifetime of talk. Although, communication is also an important part of creating intimacy.

Love is not the same as lust. Sex is too often referred to as "making love" when usually it involves more self-gratification and satisfaction than it does giving of your very being to your beloved. Even when one does try to physically satisfy the other, it is often to make himself a better 'lover' and can become extremely tedious when the body is tired but the soul still starving. Fulfillment comes from within not from acrobatics or performance but from the knowledge that one is truly loved.

There are many ways to love. Often people think that it is impossible to love two men/women at the same time. But is it true love, to want to possess a person, demanding their whole heart and soul? To live love, one must be able to allow their beloved freedom of their own life and love. It is only when you experience the love of someone, given freely and undemanding, that you can begin to understand the true meaning of love, and the vast difference between it and lust.

Contrary to popular belief, sex is not the ultimate expression of love. Rather, to abstain from it, (though the desire to be completely united in body as well as spirit is very strong) so that you will not cause your beloved to sin against his/her belief and way of life, is one form of love so special and blessed that it outshines all others. Few people have reached this plateau of self-sacrificing love and will never understand nor believe it until they experience it.

'Tis a special love you can not hide, expressed in many simple ways and in the small considerate things you do for your loved one. Time and miles will not dim it and disappointments and changes have no power to destroy it. Flaws and weaknesses are not merely overlooked and you do not love in spite of them but partially because of them. At least, you accept your beloved for who he is, faults and all, and love him for his humanness. If you choose to just overlook the flaws, you put him on a pedestal and do not love the whole man. To idolize him is to destroy him and yourself in the process.

Such a special love is seldom found and is not without pain when we are so inept at dealing with something so precious, rare, and overwhelming. But even the emptiness that comes with his absence is worth the suffering, and the loneliness is made bearable by the joy of loving so deeply and unselfishly.

Love is too often taken for granted, and therefore, the fact that most people love many others is seldom realized. You never love two people exactly the same; though one way does not and should not diminish the others. For example: you can love your mate, children, parents, and still love your siblings, grandparents, and friends all at the same time. Just because another child is born, you do not love the others any less. Actually, the more love you give, the more you have to share. Often the addition of someone else to love increases your appreciation for love and strengthens your ability to love all the others even more.

Love will continue to grow even when you aren't sure it is returned, as long as it is accepted and appreciated. Only the loved one can cause it to weaken; usually by abusing it, exploiting you, and building distrust. Therefore, love can be driven away but it can never be stolen!! You can only take so much pain before you retreat into a protective shell and try to keep from being vulnerable again.

But a deep understanding love can penetrate the toughest of shells and help to heal the hurt caused by someone too immature to appreciate your love and trust. Of course there is always the risk of hurting or being hurt again, but to hide forever from love is to die a slow and miserable death. Love and life may not be perfect here on earth but only love makes life really worth living. Remember, that to give is more blessed than to receive; so to strive to always give love freely, will bring an inner peace, understanding, and blessing. And still being able to give love overcomes the sting and hurt of rejection.

(c)Ellen Hammond

© 2009 Ellen Hammond

Author's Note

I am not sure if this fits into any category of type or genre, but I felt the need to post it anyway. If you have any suggestions of where I should have listed it please let me know.