The Storm God

I'm a new writer. Don't really know how poems are actually laid out. I just write random things that come into my head and this is one excerpt. Thanks for reading and sorry if this isn't poetry.

He stands beyond the mountains behind the grey shroud,

of stardust with so many facets that the mortal eye renders it round.

His antlers are hung with the constellations as he raises a fist,

and his voice mutes the static sound of the deluge.

His is the voice that rouses those napping on warm couches

to stare at the muted outer world. And wonder what sorts of

dripping creatures may creep across their threshold, seeking

refuge from otherworldly scorn.

Author's Note

Critique always welcome. I'm not sensitive.

Reviews

[Egst]

I really like the thoughts here. Feels like one of those brief views of the ever present beauty of our enormously scaled nature that an eye occasionally captures, in which then our mind just just entraps for a moment. Personally I would work a bit more on the overall "sound" - rhythm, rhymes and other techniques, but it depends on your style of course.