The Fake and Lies

Never thought He was like that. I thought He was different, but turns out He was just the same. He was just as fake as everyone else, I just had to find it out by myself. Nothing and no one seems real anymore, just a part of an everyday dream.

Now that I think about it, I can’t seem to escape these people or this place.

I’m stuck, with nowhere to go.

I now realize that I am on my own in this world. No one to depend on. No one to turn to. I’m stuck in a wasteland on my own, a dreamland in wishes of escape. I am not impressed with anyone’s changing, nor are they with mine. But that’s just how life is.

Today, we must deal with ourselves and our own pains. No, it’s not fair that we must depend on ourselves to this day forth, but that’s just how life is.

We are who we are and we must look out for ourselves. With others, we can help them along the way, but we can never “fully” help them to where they wish to be. We must recover on our own time and use our own techniques to get through certain situations.

With Him, it was different.

He was my best guy friend. He was always there when I had a bad day, needed someone to talk to, whenever I blew up my attitude on someone. He was always there. I was used to seeing him everyday, always talking to him, smiling. We were the perfect friends.

When I go off to college, everything changed. Our friendship took a huge U-turn. We never talked so much, never saw each other everyday. I didn’t smile so much and was always bothered by something. I wasn’t used to not having that separation from Him. It was all different and I didn’t like it.

One night through text, I ask if he’s going to Prom, he said “probably not”.

So I offered to go with him. I type:

“Cause if I offer to go with you, then you wouldn’t freak out so much about going. Plus, you wouldn’t have to bother trying to find anyone,”

He replys:

“I’m not freaked out about going. Dances just aren’t interesting to me,”

He then says “What if I want to go with someone else?”

“Go with whoever you want. I never said you had to go with me” I reply.

“Well, what if I want to go with my gf?” He asks.

“Then go ahead and go with her. It’s not like I’m stopping you. I wouldn’t force you to go with me. I’m not like that and I didn‘t know you had a gf, but okay” I say.

“Well, I don’t really have a gf. I just don’t want to go with you…” He answers.

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I wiped them away. My heart stopped, but I continued to push the letters on my phone for my next message.

“Well, I only asked you as a friend cause I know you don’t like me like that,”

“OK” my phone buzzess with his text.

“I don’t know what to do. I feel like you hate me or something,” I type the text and send it.

“I don’t hate you.. I’m just not interested” He answers.

“Well, you could’ve told me earlier that you weren’t interested instead of telling me now that I figured it out”

Him: “I thought you would’ve picked that up a long time ago,”

My heart burst into flames. Did he really think he could do that? Just lead me on for a year and NOW say to me that he’s not interested? I mean, I still can’t believe he was really THAT shady…just leading me on, not telling me that he’s not interested and just waiting for me to pick up on it.

“And I have,” I replied. “But you still could’ve told me. And I‘m used to getting my feelings hurt. I would‘ve understood if you told me. And I‘m fine with us just being friends.”

“OK then…” my phone buzzed.

“I don’t know why we’re talking. Everything I say, you say “I know”” my phone buzzed again with his most recent text.

My heart dropped again and tears were welling up in my eyes.

“Cause I’ve figured everyting out by now. I at least wanted you to tell me. And you don’t wanna talk? Fine,” I said.

“Fine,” He answered.

“Just like I know this would all lead to another Kyle situation,” I replied.

My phone buzzed.

“I thought you were gonna stop talking to me,” My heart exploded and I couldn’t stop the tears. These are His true colors. Is this the Chris that I know? I couldn’t think because my head the whirling and spinning.

I can’t believe he said all of those things to me. I mean, I’ve liked him for a whole year, asked him out last year, he said no. But He still allowed me to get close to him, He never pushed me away.

I don’t understand why He is saying all of these things now, now that I have left for college. It’s not my fault I’m not there. It’s not my fault he lead me on until bothering to tell me the truth now. Is this my fault? No, I’m pretty sure this is His fault, not mine.

Later that night, I felt bad, so I decided to text him and apologize:

“I’m sorry…for everything. I mean as a friend you mean a lot to me and I don’t want to you as that good friend. I’m sorry for the those things I said and getting mad at you.”

As I say now, I regret every letter of that apology because it wasn’t my apology to make. He hasn’t even answered me because I’m pretty sure he hates me…but I can never know. But I fear deeply that this situation is just the same as the last one.

To keep my mind from being too focused and upset over this, I just occupy myself as best I can. Or I just tell myself I don’t care, because I never really did anything. It was all him, not me.

Author's Note

This was a recent argument I had with a real close guyfriend of mine. I really liked the start of it, but idk what happened during most if it. So sorry if it kinda sucks near the end...

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