She Is

This ones kinda depressing but i wrote it to let out a little steam, haven't been feeling too great lately and this shows that. Some might find it upsetting or relatable but heres my first piece...

She is a girl, simple yet complicated. An intricate mind of thoughts and ideas she could never reveal to anyone. She appears shallow with no substance, for she lacks the ability to express herself. She fears people’s judgement of the beautiful world inside her head. The one she created to escape the harsh grip of reality.

She is a dreamer, a thinker, a listener. One who watches from the sideline but doesn’t speak. A point of view, the camera of the film. Silently watching events unfold without getting involved. She fades into the background.

She’s a strange character, unsure of what she believes in. What is right and wrong. The real world is a difficult place for her to live in.

She wants to escape.

Return to her sleep filled nights where she could float away into a majestic world where no wrong could be done, confusion didn’t exist and happiness reined everyone and everything. A place where she couldn’t be harmed. A colourful world existing only to her. The only place she belongs.

She is unsure about life, where it’ll take her and what will happen, if she will ever get there or crumble trying to make it. She is already fractured from the distance she has come. She is strong but also so fragile. A worn out piece of paper that has had its story written then rubbed out to try and start again, left clean but crumpled from what was and what could have been. She isn’t sure where her story will go. Hopefully to brighter pastures, somewhere in her fantasy world, in her Nirvana, where she can remain for the rest of her days. She is still so young but has the scars of years of battles.

She doesn’t understand how it got this way. How it got so bad. How she came to feel this way every morning when she woke up, half dead with sleep filled eyes struggling to get up, just to survive another day. Was it his fault? Was it her own? She may spend forever wondering.

She has seen the demons of others lives. It makes her wary of the polluted and cruel world she lives in. She pities them, she understands the helplessness they feel. She wants to heal them of their wounds but is unable to heal herself.

She is alone yet surrounded. People do not know the real her. She loves to laugh and smile, but the smile has left her eyes. It is not what it used to be. The light and innocence was stolen and she can’t find a way to retrieve it no matter how hard she tries.

She wants to be good, to be happy and smart, but every time she tries she is knocked over by the unfair fists of life. She struggles to get back up again. Her legs are weak. She crawls through her existence, worried and unsure, trying to make the right moves but it is never enough.

She’s not the person she was yesterday.

She just wants to be loved and appreciated. She's tired of being swept from peoples lives so easily.

She can’t take it. She is sad.

She wants to escape.

Run away from the darkness, to plunge once again into her dreams and never wake up.

She is hurt, she is angry, she is bruised, she is scarred, she is torn, she is broken.

Her wrists hurt, so does her heart, her head.

She is a sad song, the kind you turn up loud when you’re alone in your room at night and sit in the dark and cry to.

She is a mask, one that appears smiling but once removed the face underneath is ugly and tearstained from years of sadness and heartache.

She is misunderstood, but she has only herself to blame.

She is twisted. Her thinking is crooked, she makes bad decisions, makes the wrong choices.

She is not okay.

She is hollow.

She is tired.

She is lost.

She needs help.

She is trapped.

She can’t carry on like this.

She has to stop.

She can’t explain, she can’t reach out.

Her mouth is taped, her hands are tied, her wings are clipped.

She is falling.

Sinking.

Drowning.

She just wants to escape.

Author's Note

I dont expect feedback but if you want to give some then i welcome it. Also open for anyone to comment to talk to, I'm here for you all x

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

I don't think this is depressing at all. The "she" in the story.... I Love her!! She is everything that I used to Love in girls and I say "used to" because those girls are no longer walking this wicked rock!! : ) This girl that is in the story is so beautiful and this darkness that others may lean toward to recognize in a story like this is not so for me. It comes off as romantic and I know no other days in my life when climbing so deep within the fretted minds and the ones that Loved ME really understood me. An emotional roller coaster, for sure in this poem, but SHE is amazing to me. I am only lucky enough to find such a person like that on a site like THIS one, and still I wonder how few there are..... My heart is heavy and also feels like it is being hugged at the same time. I Love this girl.... Protect her because she may save many of us without her knowing it, I say. She's a lifeguard and does not take the time to view herself from another's point of view without the experience to do so, but I see it, enjoy it, remember it, and LOVE it!! xoxo -Mark

[Monochrome Person]

wow thank you so much!! interesting point of view to this piece but I'm glad you enjoyed it :) thanks again! xx

[Rahul]

Hellow :) !

Well, i think she's trapped in a life's activities.. lol the world's been filled with the hells and of course with some evils and devils and negativities....too so, it's too hard to her to get rid of ffrm that, that's why she's still escaping from here inner life, what an awesome write dearest "Emily", you're awesome, as i usually say because you deserve this :) and believe me your this story proof all that.. :P Your staring and ending both were awesome, you've made it after a deep study of on your thoughts... The idea's great, lovely theme, firstly when i saw the tittle the tittle i thought it's an old story or an horror story.. lol but when i read it i found it great and totally based on someone's life.. and this story's relatable to life because in life everything and all kinda activities're happen like joy, sorrow, happy, borrow, glad, sad, mad, pain in head.....and so on...butlife's filled with joy...and sorrow so, depends on you how do you wanna live :P

Amazing write, i just wanna say, you're awesome and you've to write some more on it.Why don't you write some more on it... write some more and more "Emily" :)

By the way,...may i know, the story's of ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
i meant, is it real, came from your real life or it's only a character or you in this story ? i'd love to know about it :)

well, if you're planning to make it's IInd version too then don't do delay..just write :) i wanna read.. :)
100/100, you've deserved it cuz, you worth of it. :)

[Monochrome Person]

Thanks for your review! I'm not sure if there will be another part to this story, i think its more of a one of emotional piece that i wrote when i was going through a really rough depressive stage. I got a lot of inspiration from my own thoughts and also from the music i listen to. The band My Chemical Romance also played for some of the inspiration and some lines from this are almost direct to some song lyrics of theirs. But yeah, majority of this piece is based on myself, my thoughts and emotions as well as speaking for those around me who have no voice or can't reach out to express themselves and their stories. so i did this for them and for myself hopefully to help portray what its like inside some peoples minds and also to let those people know theyre never alone, someone is always out there.

[Courtney]

I absolutely loved this.. The emotion is just beautiful. It is such a relatable topic for so many people (Myself most definitely included!). Thank you for writing this, it is a topic that has a need to be expressed, yet rarely finds an outlet.. It's one of those painfully beautiful writes that pulls thoughts together, very well done :) xx

[Monochrome Person]

Thank you so much :D x

[AlexValkyrie]

That was painfully emotional... but in a good way. It really forced me to think.

And it was beautifully written. Good job.

[Monochrome Person]

Thank you :)

[Lux]

This is absolutely amazing.

[Monochrome Person]

:D x

[Sevendayspast]

I appreciate any writing that I can feel the writers emotions pouring from the page. I'm Alot like you I write to vent and stay sane lol. If you ever need someone to talk to im all ears. But Anyway I really liked this! Keep it up and hope to see more of your writing!
-Chuck

[Monochrome Person]

Thank you so much! :) and I'm also here for you too! I will try and do some more writing when i get some inspiration x

[Just Kim]

wow, this is really good, I am being sincere.
I like the details in this.
I can feel the emotions protrayed as well.
Nicely written and presented.

[Monochrome Person]

wow thank you :) means a lot x