Gratitude

Chance encounter in the park.

There was a hint of a storm in the air, on that crisp autumn morning. The grey sky threatened to spill its guts any minute but I didn’t mind. I would never miss my morning walk, come hell or high water. There weren’t many people in the park that day. I stopped to watch a little girl flying a kite under the watchful eye of her mother. Her squeals of delight were uplifting. An elderly couple trudged along, the woman arguing and the man nodding. My heart went out to him. I walked by a bench on which a woman and a child were sitting. I heard the child ask:

“Mom, can I wear a bra, now I’m ten?”

“No, Albert”, responded the mother.

And then I saw him. He was an ordinary man and I wouldn’t have given him a second glance were it not for the fact that he was walking a three-legged pig. I told you once! Naturally, I was intrigued. Everybody in the park was. We sat on a park bench like bookends, newspaper blown through the grass (mmm.. nice lyrics for a song). I’d gingerly removed a pigeon s**t and sat down.

“I know you’re curious about Oinky”, he said.

“Oinky?” I said.

“That’s my pig. He’s a dear friend of mine.”

“Mind if I ask you how come…”

“He’s got three legs? Not at all. That pig, sir, has saved my life. Hard to believe, I know, but that’s the honest truth.”

“How so?”

“Well”, he began, absent-mindedly scratching an itch above his upper lip, “one night, a fire broke out in my house while I was dead to the world, after a drinking binge the previous evening. Well, Old Oinky, here, grabbed me by the lapels of my pyjamas with his little teeth and dragged me all the way out, before the whole goddamn house crumbled like a pack of cards”.

I looked at the pig. He was grinning at me. I don’t know if it was a trick of the light but he seemed to have winked at me!

“Now, is that faithful or is it faithful?" He went on.

“Yeah that’s definitely a faithful animal you’ve got there. But tell me, what happened to his…”

“And that’s not all”, he interrupted, “a couple of years ago, I went skating on the Loch Ness. Oinky was fooling around with a sow from a nearby farm. Anyway, as I was whirling like a stupid dervish, I heard a loud crack and before I could do anything about it, I fell right through the ice. Believe you me, had it not been for Oinky, I wouldn’t be telling you this story, my friend. Yes, he’s saved my life a second time. I doubly owe him. I’d give my life for this little fella. But then again, he’d go and save me again, wouldn’t he?”

“That’s an incredible story! I’m in awe! But, what happened to his leg?”

“Now, come on! A pig like that, you don’t eat all at once, do you?”   

Reviews

[Shabeeh Haider]

Another good one Woody. You really know how to keep the reader interested and you have that wonderful talent to make one laugh.
The ten year old wants a bra, and the poor old gentleman just nodding away to his wife.... and finally one does not eat a loyal pig at once.
Keep writing and we will keep smiling.

[Woody]

most kind of you my friend Haider. as always it's a pleasure to know my stories make you smile.

[barleygirl]

SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I never saw that coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But despite your disgusting sense of humor, my friend, there are so many delightful little touches to your writing that impress me every time. I love the way you describe the setting in the first paragraph, always a new delight for each story. I'm always kinda sad as I read your well-crafted beginnings, becuz I know your story will end up descending into the pits of hell . . . but you always start out so bright & hopeful & vividly visual! *smile* The other thing is the way you incorporate familiar old idioms into your dialogue, such as: “Now, is that faithful or is it faithful?" and "Believe you me" . . . these make your dialogue sing with authenticity. You are such a surprising grab-bag of amazing writing & ridiculousness! (((HUGS)))

[Woody]

:))))) that's a big grin on my beautiful face.
guilty as charged, your Honour. my humour can look sick and ridiculous and disgusting (your words) at times. but admit it, it makes you smile and if you don't know me by now, then.. wait! that's Simply Red!
"descending into the pits of hell" made me laugh hard.
I wrote this one long before I met a certain girl, animal lover.
thank you Dear. your reviews always brighten my day.

[barleygirl]

If it makes you feel any better, I used to raise rabbits & butcher them myself to eat. I can't do that anymore, tho! *smile*

[Woody]

better? no. I'm shocked. apart from roaches, mosquitoes and flies, I've never killed an animal. I'm too soft-hearted, I know. my writings are just pure bluster. but rabbit stew, ah that's a different kettle of ..errr bunnies.

[barleygirl]

I think you might've missed my latest bunny poem (Wean 'em Young), which I think you would enjoy. This was back when I raised rabbits to eat . . . it will really give you a glimpse into my sick carnivorous ways *heh! heh! heh!*

[Woody]

I'm on it, bunny girl
hey, you know I was joking. I'd never say anything to hurt your feelings.

[barleygirl]

I get nuttin' but warm fuzzies from you, my friend (((HUGS)))

[Woody]

:))............

[Samuel Dickens]

Haaaaa! Too bad that most excellent little piggy can't regenerate its limbs like a lizard does it's tail. If so, you could have pork shoulder one day and ham the next. (Hog jowls? Pork belly? Hmmm)

[Woody]

haha at least he's going for the limbs first. last thing to go will be the hog jowls.
hey why not have a lizard for a pet? you can have lizard tail soup for the rest of your life :)

[Samuel Dickens]

I was just thinking that. Mmmm, lizard-ee.

[Lydia Shutter]

OMG....your sense of humor really has me giggling.....Albert wants to wear a bra, the senior citizen couple is arguing, and the pig who saves his master's life twice is going to be slowly eaten because, after all, he is a loyal one! LOL I am telling you, Woody, you are just too funny! Lydi**

[Woody]

thank you so much Lydi. so sweet of you to think that of me. I enjoy drawing bizarre characters and hope that the reader will like them.

[Jimmy Yetts]

Amusing bra anecdote!
"Gratitude" is a tale typically well told; wrapping up with the proverbial "boffo ending."
(At least it wasn't a three-legged dog.)
Another polished piece of good entertainment, Woody!

[Woody]

thanks a lot my friend :) I had fun writing it. glad you enjoyed it.

[Valentine]

You are a brat. You let the little pig hear that ending! Valentine.. Still laughing.

[Woody]

lol but pigs aren't the most intelligent of animals. he was grinning at me, basking in his master's praisse.
thanks a lot kathie.

[Valentine]

My older sister raised animals when she was alive. Those little piggies would run to her, Roll on there backs for her, even stand on their rear legs and twirl. Of course they did not know that later they were going to the butcher...Kathie

[Woody]

I know it's a culture thing but I'll never understand how people can like pigs and treat them like pets.

[Valentine]

Just take a good look at the people around you...God loves them all. I think pigs are best in bacon but don't tell any of them..Kathie

[Tom]

Since I'm in our local park everyday with the dogs, I can relate to the many varying characters one meets as we proceed along, though I've never met a man with a three legged pig to date !

An awesome, comical story Woody and the ending was the perfect punch line!

[Woody]

thanks heaps, Tom. your poem "providence, said a pig" reminded me of this one. thought you'd like it.

[Tom]

Yes, excellent write Woody ... 'Keep her lit ' as they in my neck of the woods ! !

[Ke11y]

Politically speaking, there’s a lot of 'pork' attached to this story, but that said, I love the STYle of writing. A good storyteller always knows when to bring the bacon home, right? Clearly you’re the pigs best friend…I mean you will have to kill him before you can cure him! One leg at a time!

Thanks for the piggle!

[Woody]

gee, I'm still laughing at your review!!! I like a reviewer with a good sense of humour. thank you for taking the time, Ke11y. glad you found it funny :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol....what an a*s.I would not have saved his life even once,Poor Oinky but great story :)

[Woody]

come, now, Vid! seeing as bacon is one of the best pleasures in life, I think he did quite well refraining from devouring the bloody critter, don't you think?

[Vidya Bacchus]

Now that Woody is just wrong lol

[Woody]

what? are you an animal activist or whatever they call them? vegetarian?

[Vidya Bacchus]

What????? You insult me sir by calling me the V word not Vidya ,Vegetarian lol.I love meat but c'mon little Oinky saved his good for nothing life.Is there no loyalty sheesh!!!!!

[Woody]

I'm at a loss!! but he did great, considering! another couple of months oinky would be walking on two legs like the rest of us. and then who knows, it's better than dying of old age, becoming senile, with Alzheimers and all the rest. be sensible!

[Vidya Bacchus]

So you would rather be eaten Woody is that what you're saying? Oh my that is funny :)

[Woody]

hahaha don't have an answer to that lol

[Vidya Bacchus]

Exactly Vidya 1 ,Woody 0 .I win :)

[Woody]

I eat humble pie (correct expression?)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Yes correct expression and I know there is no Oinky in that pie lol

[John E. O'Brien]

Nice story dude I dug this hahaha had me laughing pretty good. Your prose is very interesting it's really streamlined and without any fat, which is slightly ironic, considering one of the subjects of this story is a pig.

Thanks for the laugh!

[Woody]

thanks a lot John. coming from a wonderful story teller, this is high praise.