Cigar

If you're married and want to play around, you'd better take precautions.

Once he’s left the house for work, Babcock Oldd hates doubling back for whatever reason, and today is no exception. He is late but can not go without his mobile. He is short of breath when he reaches his front door. He stops for a minute. He has to cut down on smoking. And he has to lose weight. That’s his mantra. It is true that he is too fat in the first place. And in the second place too, come to think of it. Babcock takes out his key and opens the door.

“Honey”, he shouts, “I left my mobile. Have you seen it?”

No reply. Strange! He’s left his wife in bed and she can’t possibly have left already. Babcock goes to the bedroom, expecting to find it empty but finds his wife sitting in bed, pale as a sheet and eyes wide open.

“What is it?” He asks. “Aren’t you feeling well?”

She manages a nervous smile and says:

“I’m fine. Why d’you ask?”

“Well, you… What’s this smell?”

“What smell? I smell nothing”, she replies, a little too quickly.

Babcock looks around and sniffs some more. His heart skips a beat when he sees a fat cigar smouldering in the ashtray. He turns red as a beetroot and shouts:

“WHERE DOES THAT CIGAR COME FROM?”

You couda heard a pin drop, when Tommy stopped and locked the door! No, wait! What’s Kenny Rogers doing in my story? I’ll rephrase that. You could’ve heard a pin drop when Babcock glared at his wife who was cowering in bed, willing it to open and swallow her hole (not sure about the spelling).

Babcock explodes again, addressing the lump in the bed and, for the first time in many many years, he uses the “F” word:  

“WHERE THE F… DOES THAT CIGAR COME FROM?”

Still not a peep from his wife who cringes and slides further down between the beautiful light blue sheets and the dolphins that decorate them. A pregnant silence ensues, and you can tell a storm is brewing. You can almost feel black clouds gathering over the Louis-XIV double bed.

And suddenly, in that charged silence, a shaky male voice is heard coming from the closed wardrobe:

 

“from Cuba..”  

Reviews

[barleygirl]

HILARIOUS! This is one of your "twists" that really made me laugh out loud! I swear, I did not see that coming & it makes for a very satisfying ending! I also loved your usual outrageous story crafting . . . in particular, not being sure of the spelling of "hole"!!! Thanks for this great laugh, since I just got a disturbing hate mail on Facebook (about one of my stories posted there), so I needed to wash that foul smoke out of my hair! (((HUGS)))

[Woody]

I'm glad this did the trick :)))) I can't for the life of me think of a single one of your writes that could possibly ruffle anyone's feathers. ah well don't let it get to you.
thanks a lot barleygirl for digging this old one up. I feel it could do with a bit of editing, though. I don't mean to brag but I think my writing has improved since.

[barleygirl]

Yes, I could definitely see the difference/progress . . . but sometimes it's better to keep writing ahead, instead of going back to fix the older writes! *smile*

[Valentine]

Well......where else would you have expected a good Cuban cigar to come from? When ever I feel down, I read one of your writes for my laugh of the day. You are a BRAT you know. Valentine

[Woody]

I guess I enjoy being a BRAT :) thank you Kathie. and what a pleasure it is to lift your spirits when you're feeling down.

[lissalovesyou]

Oh, man...
That last line was priceless! lissalovesyou:)

[Woody]

Glad to make you laugh, Lissa lissa :))

[Marie]

This may be an old joke, but I never heard it before. The story made me laugh.