Children of a lesser God

Something not so funny, for a change!

The pup is in a cage, it's lying on the floor

Shivering and whimpering, looking at the door

Its muzzle ‘tween its paws, the picture of distress

The woman’s eyes are brimming, she’s wringing her red dress

 

Clearly devastated, says to her companion

I can’t believe my eyes; just look at him my darlin’

How can one be so cruel? I’m really lost for words

Let’s take him home and give him the love that he deserves

 

The kitten’s in the gutter, shiv'ring from the wind

It’s obvious that it’s hungry for it can barely stand

It raised its head and meowed; it's pleading with its eyes

The man gently picked it up, held it like a prize

 

Let’s take you home my buddy. I’ll give you a hot bath

Let’s fill that little tummy and sit you by the hearth

I’ll give you all the love you need; God has ordered so

Let’s take you home and give you a place where you can grow

 

The poodle is all pampered, its nails so caref'lly done

Sitting on its owner’s lap just basking in the sun

Its birthday cake is ready; it’s sitting on the floor

The guests are happ’ly singing, the presents are galore

Kids playing with dirt, in a par'llel universe

Bombs are raining all around; death hangs like a curse

Clothes are tattered, feet are bare as they play hide and seek

Their hollow cheeks are grimy; they hardly ever speak

 

The blue-eyed girl is watching, a crust of bread in hand

A smile plays on her sweet lips; she’d like to join the band

Her momma calls her name; she’d better come inside

The sound of planes approaching; it’s dangerous outside

 

All you see around the camp are just despairing eyes

Grownups are disheartened to hear the plaintive cries

They tend to snap: “stop whining, don't be a little brat.

Who on earth d' you think you are? A pampered tiny cat?”

 

Reviews

[Lost, n'MT]

A powerful piece. Two of my favorite verses;

"Let’s take you home my buddy. I’ll give you a hot bath
Let’s fill that little tummy and sit you by the hearth
I’ll give you all the love you need; God has ordered so
Let’s take you home and give you a place where you can grow"

Very warm and touching, I greatly enjoyed how both worded and expressed this verse.

And then the power of;

"Kids playing with dirt, in a par'llel universe
Bombs are raining all around; death hangs like a curse
Clothes are tattered, feet are bare as they play hide and seek
Their hollow cheeks are grimy; they hardly ever speak"

is very powerful as it leads into the final two verses. The message of this piece speaks volume, but I feel it can be interpreted in multiple ways. I am intrigued by what I perceive to be your unique writing style, to putting your own twist one words. For instance; 'tween, shiv'ring, par'llel, d' you, etc.". I am not sure if there's a description for this, but I like it and feel it adds more to the piece. I also enjoy your rhyming style as it's subtle enough to where the rhyme complements the piece without diverting attention from the powerful message of the piece. I think was all well executed.

Also, while this isn't the particular type of piece I had in mind when I was thinking more a serious tone, I feel there can be a happy medium to where you perhaps even try "meshing" together your humorous tone with a serious tone, similar to what you had done in a "Deal With The Devil". While I find it very clever from a writing and reading perspective, I feel it also takes the reader on a roller-coaster of emotions without knowing what to expect next.

While I do love endings with a clever twist like in "Deal With the Devil", I think you could be very talented a poetry while including your own unique brand of writing. Best of luck on any new writings you pursue, I will be looking forward to reading much more.

[Woody]

thanks loads for such a thorough review, M. your glowing praise is much appreciated. but so that you do not raise your hopes too high, I must reiterate that these moments of "seriousness" are rare as I enjoy writing funny stories much more often.

[Lost, n'MT]

You're very welcome, Woody.
And yes, I am aware, and I look forward reading your funny stories.
No worries about expectations as every new piece I read from you and fellow writers is a new adventure. I cannot comment on them all, but I try to when I feel I want/need to share.

Looking forward to the funny stories and future laughs to come. : )

[David Lewis Paget]

For someone writing in what is not your native tongue, you've done a marvellous job here. Your grasp of rhyme and metre is very good, the only issue I would take with this is the truncated final two lines. They need to be expanded to fit. Otherwise, great stuff.

[Woody]

thank you so much David. this means the world to me.
this as you have noticed is the only serious writing I've posted. wanted to see if I could do it.
how do you think I could improve on the last 2 lines?

[David Lewis Paget]

Something like...
They tend to snap, 'Stop whining. Don't be a little brat,
Who on earth do you think you are, a pampered, tiny cat?'

[Woody]

wonderful! with your permission, I'll do the editing

[David Lewis Paget]

No worries Engluva.

[lissalovesyou]

This is...Well, Engluva, even if this isn't funny, I enjoyed it! It shows how our world really is. And it shows both sides.
lissalovesyou:)

[Woody]

yeah, well. wanted to see if I could write something serious. (my secret side!)
but frankly, I'd rather turn a blind eye on all the problems that plague the world and laugh it all off. childish? who cares?

[lissalovesyou]

Lol your secret side...
lissalovesyou:)

[Bluefire]

I love the flow and realistic imagery set into this piece. It's always amazing when you see two things happening at once in this huge world.
One could be bathed in riches without a care,
And another could be starving and dying before there own eyes.
Wars could be raging with a scare,
And the well taken care of shall never hear their cries.
Well done. I like the name as well, it reminds me of a 30 Seconds To Mars song. ^^

[Woody]

thank you so much Blue. indeed it is sad what we see around us in the world. let's just hope and pray that one day we'll all live life in peace, as John Lennon put it.

[Bluefire]

Aye. Me too. You're very welcome. ^^

[Hope]

Your poem reflects the reality my friend ! It's brilliant ! It makes the reader think for a long while on the subject you raised..good job :)

[Bright Ocean Star]

Engluva, I love this. We do live in a very unfair, twisted universe. We need to all wake up and take care of each other...even children on the other side of the world. But like you said, there are so many sweet animals that are thrown out like so much garbage. We need to learn to value and care of all of God's creatures (great and small). For He loves them all.

[Woody]

thank you so much Anne. I'm totally with you. It's unfortunally a cruel world. God knows when all the madness will stop.

[Bright Ocean Star]

I forgot to tell you...great writing, my friend! :)

[Woody]

That's sweet of you. thank you :)

[Marie]

I'm glad youve written something serious, Engluva. It proves you have ore than a shallow surface. This is a very deep, moving, and insightful poem.

[Marie]

By the way, you didn't get your inspiration for this from my pampered little poodle in "Priincess Di," did you?

[Woody]

thank you very much Marie. And I confess, your story was the spark. I must repeat that it's only the exagerated care that I resent.

[Marie]

I have three cats, and I put their welfare above my own. I spend far more on their health than on mine. However, I never paint their tonnails.

[Woody]

Pets quickly become members of the family. I've had cats along the years. I'd always treated them right. some used to sleep with me.

[Marie]

People tend to substitute pets for children. This is wrong. Cats and dogs should be treated like the intelligent, sensative animals they are, not little human beings.

[magenta24uk]

I do like this. I think the last line scans better for me as Who do you think you are? a spoilt little cat? But that is just how I read it. My beat may be different to yours. Really touching and very true in some places.

[Woody]

thanks a lot Magenta. and you're probably a better poet than me. I'm still having trouble with the beat. having said that, plz explain, won't your addition make it a longer line? 11 syllables. god, I'll never understand this :(

[magenta24uk]

I just felt it scanned better as I read it. But it is your work and your voice. It has to only work for you. It is a wonderful piece and if the beat scans as you read it then it is perfect. Sometimes I wish we could record ourselves on here reading a poem aloud as that can be the perfect way to hear a poems heart beat. x

[Woody]

I see what you mean. but again, I trust your instinct. remember, English is not my mother tongue.read moreI see what you mean. but again, I trust your instinct. remember, English is not my mother tongue.
thanks again.

[Woody]

I didn't type "read more" (!!!) I typed thanks again.

[magenta24uk]

:) Bless you. It is a very good piece and you are a good writer. x

[Woody]

thank you very much :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A most poignant and revealing piece, one to ponder.

[Woody]

indeed it is one to ponder in these troubled times, Thomas. thanks for taking the trouble.

[Ana]

This is extremely sad and all too true. But I think there is less investing in the welfare of an animal than in the welfare of a child, so many people find it easier. i really liked your style. The meter was almost perfect and the rhyme was completely natural and unforced. All in all, an excellent poem.

[Woody]

thank you Ana. You're right, it's easier to look after a pet.
I'm an animal lover but what I resent is the excess. pardon me but I don't understand those who make birthday parties for the poodles and give them presents. I wrote the poem having in mind the little children of Syria, Palestine, Africa who have been robbed of their childhood and innocence. it's simply a crime against humanity.
I'm so glad you like the poem. I'm still learning. the meter is what I'm struggling with.
Frankly, I'm more comfortable with short stories.

[Honey-Bee]

Children of a lesser God describes it all. It is so true children are over looked in a world that will take care of an animal and let the child be dirty, hungry and needing of love and attention did this sickness start in the human mind? I don't know when, but it did and innocent children need more attention than dogs and cats. Love the poem and they way it is written! Hopefully it will turn around!

[Woody]

Thanks for stopping by, Honey-Bee. Of course I totally agree with you. Having said that, My heart bleeds when I see mistreated animals. They are defenceless creatures just like little children. Yeah, let's hope tomorrow will be better.