Vetitum

 

Wasn’t born with miracles or blessings much.

We, the living torments, His punishment is such.

We’re not His hope in mankind,

Neither living wonders one of a kind.

The ever living shame of the ever living cause.

The immortal silence of what (once) loud sin was.

Causing Him pain, maybe hurting His ego,

But He ain’t no foe.

But that’s how players play.

That’s why so many secrets, no revelations, come what may.

But why do we expect honour?

We’re not His part, we’re reminder of shame to her.

It was a sin, ofcourse

Even our sweat is her remorse.

Guilt is my name, shame, surname.

Both of them share the blame.

She initiated and he proceeded.

We are here to pay for what they did.

We live for them to remember,

We die to remind them of the hope of forgiveness.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Quite a powerful write. I was with you from the first line, and felt the sensitive nature throughout. I like the juxtaposition of guilt and hope, righteous and sinful, etc., and your own personal spin on all of it. A few little grammatical/punctuation errors, but nothing too bad. Overal, I was entertained by this one.

[Mehak Mushtaq]

Thank you Sarah. :)

[E.V. Black]

I feel as if you were trying to do a rap, from the sound of the rhyming and the language. Regardless, it was very interesting. I can only glean an idea: you were either talking of God or Adam and Eve. Am I right?

[Mehak Mushtaq]

You're right E.V. :)

[E.V. Black]

Yay! Joyous day.

[Mehak Mushtaq]

:)

[Frieda P]

I think this is more personal in nature than biblical, but then I could be wrong, it seems there is a lot of soul searching of both souls here and lots of inner turmoil in this read. Outstanding write Mehak.

[Mehak Mushtaq]

I had a lot of difficulty in crafting this one. It needs a lot of editing I guess. Yes, well, it is personal. A very personal idea. Thank you Frieda. :)

[Jack...]

Mehak, you have crafted a beautiful piece here for us to read. You have brough color and life to the good and evil theme and lifted us above to watch the proceedings. Indeed we all pay for early sins, but also the lesson continues that we should also learn to forgive, for forgivness is divine. Guilt is decided but blame is cast, often without fact or reason. If the truth be known, jealousy, in my opinion was the number one sin in this garden.

have you decided on the title for your book yet?

[Mehak Mushtaq]

You are right Jack. Jealously was the actual sin.

I think the titled you suggested is apt. I'm looking forward to publishing my first book this year only. :)

[quinfinn]

other than the biblical "loose references" in this write i found it wholly entertaining. like any other avid reader, i like a good fiction though. your take on this is pretty clever and very well worded. sin and shame, the guilt that ancient dogma throws at humankind...at which point do we become enlightened and outgrow this ridiculous attempt at behavior modification and population control? this is a powerful write, indeed.

[Mehak Mushtaq]

So true. We need to have a deeper look at life. :) Thank you Quin.

[Sami Khalil]

A very thought provoking poem with pondering dillemas to our questions of life. Very good and written with excellence...:)

[Mehak Mushtaq]

Thank you. :)

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)

[Leslie Philibert]

Lot of drama here, I understand this to be a re-telling from a biblical source, I must admit I got a bit lost, found some typos (ofcourse), but I notice that a good writer is here finding his poetic feet..

[Mehak Mushtaq]

Yes, it needs editing, a lot of editing. :) Thank you sir.