Escape in the Darkness

A girl finds escape from the reality of her religious upbringing by plunging herself into the arms of dark magic.

I know that what I am about to do is treacherous. Even now I can hear the screams behind the pulpits of zealots coming out to haunt me. 

All my life, I'd hid within the fetters of the religion that my parents had brought me up in. They bound me, keeping me from the fresh air that I longed to fill my lungs with. My heart and soul felt dampened by the sins of grave actions I'd never committed myself; I could never find reprieve in the words that filled our books--all I found were more reasons to grieve, to hate, to succumb to what I truly needed... 

My hands tremble in the shadows as I open a small, cardboard matchbox. It takes several tries of striking one against the side before the match goes in a blaze. I hope silently that no one in my quiet home can hear me as I struggle to keep hold of it, fearing that the whole place might go up in flames in accordance with my shameful intent. 

I shouldn't be doing this... 

Still, my heartbeat presses on against the guilt squirming its way up through my soul. It is my very spirit that cries out in want--in desire. 

I just want to know what it's like... to be free. To shove off all the things that keep me caged. 

Most people my age would find it preferable to act out in other ways: drugs, the wrong crowd, etc. But I just wasn't that type. If I was going to do something out of spite and rebellion, I was going to do it with a bang. 

The scent of lemon and rosemary immediately begin to waft through the air when my match finally touches the candle wick. It seems that it was well-prepared for what I was about to do. I had spent hours during the week looking things up on the internet; finally, I had gathered the courage to visit a Magick shop in my small town to find the book that would serve my needs. 

"Use it with caution," I'd been warned. The lady behind the counter seemed to second-guess giving me the old relic. It had drained me of all the savings I had from the part-time job I worked after school. To some, such an action would be deemed reckless and stupid--to be rested in the arms of "make believe." But I knew better. 

I swallow a mound of dread that had somehow rested itself in my throat while I wandered within my past thoughts. 

Opening the book, my lips find the strange words. It is a spiritual cleansing--nothing more. I promise myself that I won't be drawn in by the other pages full of darker, more complex spells that I know I'm not ready to handle. I can't bear the thought of messing up something truly important. 

The last word catches in my throat and I freeze as the temperature drops in the room. Unconvinced by the apparent warning, I continue to stutter through the last words of the chant. A deep groan erupts from the depths of the house and my heart almost stops altogether. 

I have to finish...

As my eyes fall on the last words on the page, I become aware of a creeping cold washing its way up my shoulder blades. I shiver to try and shake off the sensation; nothing works. In the aftermath of my incantation, I am left feeling as though I am buried under a ton of ice. 

Did it work?

For something that was supposed to cleanse my soul of the light, I feel disappointed. All I feel rooted within myself is newfound sadness--emptiness. It's as though every box of self-ownership and individuality has been moved out of my soul and replaced with dry ice. Everything about me is cold and shivering; I wonder what I did wrong. I graze over the page to try and figure out if I've mispronounced something. 

All at once, the candle in the room flickers out; I am left standing in the wake of that guilt that has now started to make its way back into my veins. It thaws the ice for a moment and tears draw at the corner of my eyes. In the one place that I expected to find a reprieve, I am left marooned. 

Sighing, I shut the book and place it high on a shelf where I know my snooping mother won't be inclined to look. She would be mortified if she knew what I had just done. The last thing I wanted was for a priest to come in and exorcise me of the demons that I couldn't befriend as I had hoped. 

Stepping out into the hall, I glance back at my room and shrug off the failure still steeping within it. The hall bathroom's light casts a dull, yellow glow onto the carpet as I step into its warm embrace. I settle my face into my hands with my elbows rested on the bathroom counter. Rubbing my temples, I take a glance up into the mirror; it takes everything within me to bite back a scream. 

My once-blue eyes are now flecked with golden embers all throughout my irises. A charge of energy spirals through me and, as I take a breath, the icy wave that accompanied me in my room returns and weaves through my core. I feel new, I feel powerful; for the first time in my life, I don't see a stranger in the mirror. A strand of black hair coils through my brunette waves, signaling that it, too, has felt the past die. 

With newness, I had expected something immediate and fiery--something straight from the pits of damnation that had been railed to me as I sat in church pews on countless Sundays lost to time. Instead, I could only feel coldness. A winter storm had burst through my soul to blanket it in unseen white; the darkness had made it "pure" again, killing off what wouldn't serve me and replacing almost everything with a blank slate. 

I don't know how I know all this. Something pulls at me to tell me; I just know. It's what comes when you let such a massive part of yourself die. The gold in my eyes glimmers with a newfound strength that gives me the wind I need to let a smile set sail across my lips. 

A little light glimmers around my fingertips and the mirror becomes fringed with frost. 

I am new. 

Author's Note

Hi guys! This is my first piece here; pardon the lack of edits. This is just something I wanted to put together to get a general sense of feedback about my writing style.

Thanks in advance for any responses/reviews!

Reviews

[Chris]

An interesting view... I liked where you left it - new. And yes it does need editing... and a bit of tightening - but it IS grow-able as well!

[Eris Marriott]

Thanks for the response! I'll probably save this for a later project or something or try to incorporate it in a current work. I do tend to get quite lyrical and long-winded in my first drafts of things, but I'm glad it at least touched on the right notes. Thanks for the feedback!

[Chris]

anytime...

[LazerRays]

It's very dark. Eerie. I love it!

[Eris Marriott]

Thank you so much!

[KCthelastboyscout]

Reads like a chapter from Harry Potter.Spellbounding words of imagery.a solid debut in the cafe.just like your last words "I am new'

[Eris Marriott]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it :)

[LazerRays]

I didn't know you watched Harry potter!!!!!!

[KCthelastboyscout]

Of course who didn't...you could be the next J. K. Rowling 😊