Sunshine in Heaven!

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy & sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be. You see, I haven’t really talked to anyone outside of my family all summer. But tomorrow is my first day of high school ever. And I need to turn things around. So I have a plan as I enter the school for the first time, I will visualize what it will be like on the last day of my senior year. Unfortunately, I counted and that’s 1,385 days from now. Just 1,385 days. So, I just sat in the cafeteria, well that’s kinda absurd the cafeteria is called the “Nutrition Centre“, which is strange. However, my English class teacher is really friendly. Well, I have 1,384 days to go, just so I say to someone high school is even worse than middle school. I hope I would make a friend soon. And my Sun would rise again.

Since, two weeks my mom has been taking me to the school. Sometimes she just needs to calm down. I look at my schedule and start looking around for a classroom that said “Chemistry” on it. “Looking for something?” a voice coming from behind me said. I turned around to see the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. She was wearing a short, Black shirt & low cut converse with pink skulls on them. Before I could say anything she took the paper. “All your classes are boring. Missing one day won’t matter. Why don’t you just hang out with me today?” She said, crumpling the paper into a ball. “Umm….Sure, but I don’t even know your name”. “I’m Lara, now come on the bell is about to ring. You don’t want to be in the halls when they find out you’re the new kid.” She grabs my arm and pulls me outside and under the bleachers. “And what is your name?” She asked.”Oh! I’m Jase.” I answered.

“Hello there, Victoria” She said, as we were out of the main hall. “Who’s this?” Victoria asked, pointing towards me with a curious smile on her face. “He is Jase….umm..” “Jase Spiegelman” I completed. “Hi, I’m Victoria. Nice to meet you.” Victoria said as we shook hands. “So, you new here?” she asked. “Yes, It’s been two weeks only.” I replied. “I’m going to the Kings for lunch, would you like to come?” I smiled and nodded, we made our way to the Kings. We talked, laughed and came to know about each other’s hobbies and interests. Lara is quite an enthusiastic girl, she likes to read and loves soft music. “Guys, I’ve to attend my Math’s class. Anyway, Nice talking to you Jase, This was fun.” She said as the last class bell rings. “Do you think we could hangout sometime?” I ask her.”Sure.” she says. Lara walks off & I get into my mom’s car. “How was school, Honey?”. “It was fine, Mom”. We pulled up at the I-Drive & then into the lane. After getting home, I listened to soft music as recommended by Lara and really these songs are nice. I changed and fall on the bed. I can’t wait till school tomorrow. I will get to see Lara again. She is the most perfect girl in the world. She understands me. I fall asleep thinking about her.

The next morning, I woke up & got dressed for school. I put on a grey-T and jeans. I walk into the kitchen. “Hey, Mom. What’s for breakfast?” I said. She hands me a bowl of cereal. We get into the car and drive to the school. Today I will actually go to school. I walk up to my locker and saw Lara & Victoria with some students. She looks at me , we had an eye-contact and waved towards me saying, ”Hey, Jase. Come over here,” she introduced me to her friends �" Jason, Ralf & Alice. And asked me to join them to the Kings. I agreed. We talked and Jason joked a lot on our way. Jason is a nice guy and he loves football, Ralf is quite of self-centered guy but he is cool, Alice don’t like to talk much, she keeps on texting someone on her handset. But I am one of them now. And I am happy for now that those people don’t let me feel lonely. I love them. Especially, when we are at the Kings and tell each other about our day.

I am getting late to school continuously since one week and I’m sure if this goes like this I would sure get a call to the principal’s office. Well, today at the Kings everyone looked strange and they were using sign language, which I came to know when Jason spilled his glass while saying something to Victoria using sign language. After the Kings, They all had to go for their classes except for me and Lara, we had a free period. She turned to me and said, “Know what, Today’s my Birthday!,”. I was shocked to know this but I kind of managed my curiosity to know why she didn’t tell me this yesterday and wished her. She thanked me and said, ”And, yeah mister. You are comin’ to the party tonight sharp at 7 o’clock,” I agreed. “Ok, don’t be late.” She added as she wrote her address on a sheet of paper and handed it to me. My classes went by fast. Dad came to pick me from school.

 I bought a big teddy with my saved pocket money. I even made her a mix tape. I drove to her house, that was the first time I drove alone. I again wished her, she hugged me, just a friendly hug. We get in together, we sat with Jason & Victoria. Jason started making fun of some guys there and Lara stopped him. After the cake cutting ceremony, I gave her the Teddy and the mix tape. We went to the roof top, where we played games and Jason had to dance, while I was lucky I didn’t have to do any stuff like that. After a while, Jason and Victoria left the party, we exchanged hugs. It was nine. And she and I were looking at the stars. Suddenly, her hands touched mine & she grabbed my hand firmly. I looked at her blue eyes as she looked into my brown eyes. We didn’t talk, we didn’t laugh. We just sat smiling at each other.. I went home, listened to music, Changed into nightshirt and tried to sleep. But, Unfortunately I couldn’t sleep till 2 o’clock.

Next morning I was again late to school. I have got straight A’s in English, Just because the teacher liked my habit of reading and relating that with my life, well, whatever. I have got to write an essay on the book “To kill a mocking bird” for my final examination. I guess it would be easy because I have read that book around three times. I am also helping Lara with Mathematics while we are at the Kings for lunch.

Well, Unfortunately, I got a call to principal’s office for late attendance to school. The principal didn’t say anything except that it affects school’s reputation. Plus, I got detention so I would be cleaning the extra grass in school’s play ground for a month. Well, I have been regularly cleaning that extra grass from the playground but I am not the only one there. So, I am off duty after cleaning little part of it.

Today, After Chemistry, I walked to my locker, I didn’t see Lara that day. I saw Victoria and asked about Lara’s Whereabouts. “She is at the hospital for some reason she didn’t tell me.” Victoria told me. I was worried so I called at her cell phone but she didn’t answer, I tried again and again. I lose hope suddenly when her mother answered my phone call. “Can I speak to Lara, Please. It’s Jase speaking.” I asked warmly but still worried. She said from behind, “Mom, give me the phone.”  Her mother handed her the phone. “Hey, Lara. It’s Jase,” I said, “Why are you in the hospital?”.“Hey, Jase.” She said, I was satisfied a bit after hearing her voice, “Actually I am not well, Jase. I think you noticed my cough over the past week. It is not an allergy. Lung cancer. I don’t know how. You know I don’t smoke. But sometimes it happens to non-smokers. And I had to be one of them,” I remained silent, I don’t know why but my heart was beating very fast and my eyes welled up. Tears rolled down my cheeks. “Can you meet me?” She added coughing very hard. I wiped my tears and said, “Yeah. Sure. See you soon.”  And I hung up. I drove fast to the hospital , Bought a bouquet for her. Get out of the car and hurried to the reception and asked, “Lara Kelmeckis?”. “Room 368.” The receptionist answered after checking at the computer. I walked up to her room and saw her lying on the bed. I get in, put the bouquet aside her and asked, “How are you feeling?” “Fantastic now, cause you’re here.” She smiled as she sit on the bed. “Glad to hear that.” She made me sit aside her. She took my hand and grabbed it hard. And put her head on my shoulder I put my arm around her. “Jase…” “Shh! Don’t talk much.” I interrupted her, she smiled. A tear rolled down her cheeks. ”I am sorry , you have to see me in this condition, I.....” She said, but I interrupted her again saying, ”Shh! Don’t worry everything would be fine.” I had hope. She started sobbing. “Jase, do you like me?” I was confused for why she asked this. “Yes. I do.” I answered. She whispered, “ I love you, Jase” I was wordless at this. I wanted to say I love you too. But I didn’t have the courage. “You don’t need to say anything” she added and moments later she fell asleep. I put her head on the pillow and took off. I went home. I changed, washed my face with cold water. I couldn’t stop thinking about her last two sentences. I tried sleeping but couldn’t. That’s what happens, when you know you’re in love you can’t sleep because you know reality is finally better than your dreams. If people were like rain, I was like drizzle and she was hurricane.

I started visiting her daily at the hospital sometimes with Victoria or Jason or Ralf or Alice or sometimes alone. She got better with time. And soon we started going to the Park with each other. We would hold hands, talk, laugh and fool around. I would always stay up at night and remember every moment I’ve spent with her. As much as I cared about her, I wasn’t a slave to fate. I could choose to ignore my feelings, strong as they were. It would be painful, but no more so than letting myself pine for my friend. Finally, she got better and started coming school again. Everything was back to normal. And I no longer want to count my days till the last day of my senior year cause’ I can’t afford losing these guys. But life is no wish-granting machine and everything can’t happen the way you expect it to be. Because Thing’s change friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody. I don't even remember the season. I just remember walking between them and feeling for the first time that I belonged somewhere.

I have always believed that There’s nothing like the deep breathes after laughing that hard with your friends. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for all the right reasons. And I was right and hopefully I got to experience that feeling again. But the truth is that, I can’t tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like. It's much easier to not know things sometimes. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people. You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to be who I really am. And I'm going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. I don't know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It's just different. Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it's okay to feel things. I know these will all be stories some day, and our pictures will become old photographs. We all become somebody’s mom or dad. But right now, these moments are not stories. We are driving through the tunnel. And I was suddenly very aware of the fact it was me standing up in that tunnel with the wind over my face. Not caring about anything. Because I was standing up in the tunnel. This is happening. I am here, and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive. And you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song, and driving with the people who you love most in this world. It’s Heaven. And in this moment, I swear, we are infinite.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems.