Blood on the Daises.

I felt like writing a poemish thingy.

Sunlight bounces off pigments of my pale skin,
burning like a self-righteous wanton w***e.
Intense calibers of emotions drift into my conscious,
and life stirs from its crippled cocoon inside me.

--

The awakening. Like a flower I unravel my lithe limbs.
Too weak. Doing nothing more than leaning in towards the rays.
Of pain. And the immense suffocation that follows.

--

I bleed. With salty tears that cool quickly upon my blushing cheeks.
Sparkling like diamonds these tears are the blood of my ruthless salvation.
They fall. Dripping with heavy burdens on innocent soft daises.
Their petals droop, while I wipe my eyes, and I begin anew as the next flower dies.

Reviews

[Orlando Murcia]

Very deep and dark in a form of way
Some thing's must die in order for something
else to live at times

This was a great piece!

Orlando M

[Analgesia]

I like this, very much an exploration of visual rhetoric. It seems to revolve, thematicly around the death of innocence, the daisies being killed as one is inducted into life, the bloodrites of societies cruelties and beauties.
If there were anything for me to change I would take a look at the begining two lines of the third stanza. It seems you use 'blood' as well as 'bleed', which to me seems to betray the tone through repetition. Perhaps you could use sanguination instead of 'blood' in the second line, this would add a nice internal ryhme between it and 'salvation'. But it's possible that could interfere a little with your style I can't tell entirely. Regardless, just a suggestion. Good read, I hope I was of help and thank you for writing something worth reading.

[An owl on the moon]

Such an amazing visual experience, with darkness and light dancing hand in hand. Deep and dark and brilliant. Excellent write!

[Fanciful Goddess]

Amazing!! I loved it!!

[Kalex Cross]

Oops! I found a typo. Teehee. Thank you so much!!

[Jemma]

F*****g loved it.
Nothing more to say.