Whispers

A creepy short story.

The winds rattled my window. The house moaned and creeked in gentle vibrations that moved with the house's worn structure. clouds churned, leaves swirled in the cold winter air and I moved with them. I gazed longingly out my window only to see a streak of light. I rushed downstairs and threw open the front door. The cool breeze met my face and molded to it as I stepped out the  door. A silvery figure stood across the cobblestone path. we both extended our arm and the tips of our fingers brushed. I took a step forward and it took one step back. Alarmed, I turned away stumbling as I ran clumsily back to my white plantation style home. Before I closed the door I took a glance back to see that the strange creature had began walking towards me. I slammed the wooden door behind me and ran up the stairs.  Under my bed I felt strangly safe. But I was wrong. I closed my eyes tightly and prayed for my life. After a few minutes I opened them only to the faceless head of the silver creature. It reached for me and I screamed. I screamed as it carried me out of my home, I screamed as it blind folded me, I screamed as it chained me in a blind-like dark room. I weeped as it tortured me with whispers of souls. I died as it posessed me.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Please nothing disrespectful, either politly critique my work or dont say anything at all. Thank you. :) And I apologize for any grammatical errors I will fix them if you can kindly point them out.

Reviews

[K.A. Paras]

nice

[Wolfwind Words]

What you have is good! It gives off the essence of fear, which is them materialized at the end. I loved the second to the last sentence. It was a powerful image that came with that line.

The only suggestion I would give is when the character first exits the house and see's the silver entity. More detail of what drew her outside in the first place would help in seeing the character in a greater depth.

Good work!
Wolfie

[Gone]

:-) I really like your writing. Though I think you can improve this by editing, the basic scene is there. I felt tension and release. Two elements of a good scene or story. You have real talent. You also have a great imagination. Keep studying the art and keep writing!

[Rain]

interesting read
improve your grammar, like capitals and spelling etc
and 'wooden' not wood
nice use of repittition, makes it creapier
a interesting read, any chance of making it longer?