Waiting for Fate

Time will come knocking on your door whether you like it or not

 

A mirror's corpse

A shattered fate

A forever eternity

 

I am trapped

My tears turn black

Raging, I cry

 

Mortality is overrated

I wait

A single discomfort

 

Stuck in the enigma

Deciding

Against strife or silence

 

Flowers bloom

They fade away

The Earth boils

 

Abundant in anguish

My senses die

I have hit rock bottom

 

The machines turn off

I stand up

Only to fall again

 

I am weak

I no longer care

I am in ruin

 

 

 

Author's Note

Please be brutally honest but not disrespectful.

Reviews

[Lydia Blackwell]

I really like the line-" I am abundant in infliction" but do you mean affliction? as in you have something wrong, like an affliction...? other than that and one misspelled word (senses)- it is a good write! I can feel the emotion and the purposefulness in your writing. keep it up!

[Kanattas Atir Enomo]

i rather liked this piece. it was pretty well-written. although in my opinion it didn't flow too well, it seemed a bit choppy to me. the subject seem to sort of jump from one thing to another and although i can see the connection, you could have phrased it in a way so the stanzas melt into one another. at least in my opinion. however this piece had great meaning and i think that the message is clearly conveyed by the end.

[Suki]

wow this is amazing. i love the mood of this piece. great write :) keep it up

[Gone]

Nice edit. I will remember your macabre period :-) You express it well.

[Marlena]

I like this, I like how raw it feels when you first read it, but I still think it needs just a tiny amount of work in this area- "heat over goes into override" is redundant, over and override don't seem to go together, you know? Otherwise, this was really good, keep it up :)

Oh yeah, and I love your icon xD

[Chaos Complex]

Very strong emotions coming from this piece. It's sad, but you write very well. The only line that bothered me was: "Heat over goes into override" But other than that, it was great.

[Wicahpi]

I like it, but wonder about 'the machines turn off' ...
An emotional outline...well crafted in my eyes.

[zombiikillah666]

this is a really good write. (:

[deeps]

I like your last stanza, This is full of emotion.
I like this, written so well.

[Sarah J. Kelleher]

One little irk I found: the sentence "Heat over goes into override". It just plain didn't really make sense to me. I really enjoyed reading this! And the last few stanzas really got me. Once you hit rock bottom, it truly is the bottom. Everything goes up from there. :) It makes me think there's more to the story. Great job!