They ask about you

When they ask, and ask they do,

“How can anyone love as much and long

As your words describe,”

I don’t know how to answer.

You were not my complete life, I know,

But life is not complete without you.

 

Should I describe to them the little things?

The funny pony tail bounce you had

Your spontaneous bursts of excitement

Over presents and surprises?

How you tilted your face to let my kisses in

Or how your eyes described rapture?

 

Maybe I should recount the things you said

“Hold me like you think I’m leaving

Kiss me like I’ve just returned.”

“If you will love me forever

Could you make it last a little longer?”

And how you taught me to believe it all

 

But no, I cannot put you into words

That would steal your many dimensions

They must simply look at me

And see how well I wear your love

And I will be that testimony

Of what we made of each other

Reviews

[Dinesh Sairam]

The life-like (real) quality of this description is mottled with exaggerations (Albeit 'poetic'), that shadow its virtuosity. It's a great flow of thoughts nonetheless, the kind I love. I enjoyed the lines:

How you tilted your face to let my kisses in
Or how your eyes described rapture?

And how you taught me to believe it all

And see how well I wear your love
And I will be that testimony

I can, if I try, overlook the cliches, but it's just that this is so good and the exaggerations stand it the way of it being even more closer to reality and so, all the better. Perhaps you really meant them in context, but I can't comprehend it being in this line of thought.

Still, as I said, a great piece of work. Keep writing.

[DrD]

May I ask what exaggerations you found?

[Dinesh Sairam]

But life is not complete without you, If you will love me forever I will live to see it, to everything we ever were.

I don't mean it in a strictly negative way, I just think these have been used in considerable proportions in many love poems. I'm not sure how this fits in with the beautiful reality of the second stanza.

[DrD]

I appreciate your comments and after reading again, found that I agreed with them. I have made some changes.

[J. J. Nightingale]

I wouldn't change a thing .. I am so surprised that an "a*s" can read .. and comment . ... xx J.

[Dinesh Sairam]

^ So, if I differ from your opinion, I'm an "a*s". Internet argument at its finest.