Caught

A short scene from my story, of one of the main characters committing their first murder.

I leapt out of the girl’s shadow and thrust my knife deep into her back, piercing her tender, soon-not-to-be-beating, heart. Blood sprayed and I flinched as drops of the hot red liquid found my face and arms, the metallic scent of it immediately filled my nostrils. I jerked the knife out and more blood poured from the wound. The girl was spasming on the dark alleyway’s grimy pavement. Satisfaction was welling up inside of me until I suddenly felt a sickening drop in my stomach, a horrible, gut wrenching feeling that made me turn my head and look over my shoulder, vision now directed towards the alley’s opening onto the road. What I saw made the feeling intensify, but now with a pinch of terror. There was a man standing there. Just an average guy, probably heading home from work. He locked eyes with me and I knew he’d seen the whole thing. My brain was just blanking out, the only word I had was, s**t. Never once in my seven years of criminal acts had I ever been caught. I didn’t plan to end that record anytime soon. Nothing was official until I was in handcuffs, and right now all that they’ve got on me is whatever this little f****r will remember. Which will probably be less if I could snap out of it and move. Forcing myself to break eye contact, I glanced one last time at Kimmy, she was unmoving, hopefully dead. I kicked her face for good measure, then dove into one of the alley’s many shadows, becoming literally immersed with the darkness.

Author's Note

Any and all thoughts are appreciated, thanks! =)

Reviews

[David Jae]

You set the scene well and it is full of emotion. Dark and gritty, like it should be.
The only improvement that I would suggest is that it would have been nice to know why he was killing the girl. That motivation would give more a sense of story and character.

A good attempt, all round.