An End.

An end

once and for all

I’ll give in I say to myself

with a loss of pretention in my thought

I carve out a memory of her smiling

I throw it back into the oblivion of whence it came

 

“You’re not as strong as you’d wish to be, am I right?”

 

It’s the only fragment of a sentence I have left

It’s the resolution of no constitution

What I have left is all that there ever was for me

A dead dark space with a scent of death and disgust

All the odds have turned against me

Butchered and changed me

 

Say you’ll hate all that’s left of me

That’s all I really want for you

I know it all too well

You forget

And I remind you

Of how much I disgust you

 

Yet I’m all that’s left

Of me and you

Of the happy summer we shared

Before we succumbed to the reeking darkness in the hallway

 

And for every f**k I didn’t give.

You gave me ten back…

Reviews

[Red Brick Keshner]

The last couplet will ring and echo with endurance and gripping power for a length of time after the poem is read out.

[Justin Flume]

Dude. You are not good enough! Remember what he told you?
Now grow the f**k up.

[Dayran]

The Tsar of the Baltic rises only to raise his child fed on milk. Thereafter like the father he is to everybody in the world, he rests on his work and lets the ladies fuss about making it more refined to the touch.

[nevermindfan1991]

An end
once and for all
I’ll give in I say to myself
with a loss of pretention (pretension?) in my thought
I carve out a memory of her smiling
I throw it back into the oblivion of whence it came

*oblivion is a cliche, an overuse word.

 
“You’re not as strong as you’d wish to be, am I right?”
 
It’s the only fragment of a sentence I have left
It’s the resolution of no constitution (?) This does not make sense
What I have left is all that there ever was for me
A dead dark space with a scent of death and disgust
All the odds have turned against me
Butchered [and changed] me

I would delete this.
 
Say you’ll hate all that’s left of me *too direct. It would be better to express this through what action “she” committed or what she said.
That’s all I really want for you
I know it all too well
You forget
And I remind you
Of how much I disgust you
(Your first line was direct but the rest is too ambiguous. How do you expect the reader to know what you’re talking about?)


 
Yet I’m all that’s left
Of me and you
Of the happy summer we shared
Before we succumbed to the reeking darkness in the hallway

This needs to be reformatted. Too many cliches. What is the
importance of the hallway. You never gave an explanation.
 
And for every f**k I didn’t give.
You gave me ten back…

Nice conclusion but it falls flat because your other verses do not allude to this...

[Coyote Poetry]

"And for every f**k I didn’t give.
You gave me ten back…"
Always good to see you writing. I like the directness of this poem. No hidden emotion in the words. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Michael X]

wow, this is a great poem, raw real, unscripted, yet poetically detailed,
the despair of individuality, the end to parted suffering, excellent job