I Anticipate

My life and Views Don't read If that would bother you I don't need More reasons to hate myself.

This is me hashing out my own thoughts on life as is Do Not Comment if Reading.

I don't blame anyone for the outcome I believe is coming even sitting here the odd pain in my jaw arm and stiffness in my chest. I am highly prone to stress and have a love for the dramatics but the problem is everyone keeps thinking I am crying wolf.

I guess no one wants to face the fact that it could happen to anyone even themselves.

Dr Irma made a few incorrect guesses but she didn't have all the information but those she had made were mostly correct I just know that time is coming soon.

My body is giving up as I am and it seems my choice in the time no longer matters.

I cannot raise the alarm for I have been muted by those around me I blame only myself I am one for dramatics even writing this I am second guessing myself in that this could be one of my over dramatic moments I feel only stress thinking of this.

It isn't easy having to police yourself and I am wary of looking too much into such a situation fearing that looking into myself I would find another me staring back.

Schizophrenia was one of the diagnosis Dr Irma was inching towards having seen a schizophrenia at the Hospital for the mentally ill I didn't stay for the full diagnosis.

I stress about even the smallest of gestures by anyone it causes me to obsess over it from 30 minutes to whenever I catch myself over obsessing I range from worry, sadness anger and happiness in those moments.

It is disconcerting to feel myself spiral into myself and I wonder is it because I don't have a job but those stress me even more Trying to think of driving a car gives me an anxiety attack I wonder Why does this not worry others?

I am suspicious of the Psychology of today as it is a genuine concern that some Psychologist might decide on a bad day of his or hers that you are a psychopath and deserve to be in the Prison hospital of Weskopies, Can one not argue that we all could choose to be or not be a psychopathic killer for no rhyme nor reason or is it just me that feels so.

I post this not to truly reach out as that would mean change witch makes me feel unbalanced and terrified as if I am no longer the driver to my own life choices.

Conversation could be nice though as it does get lonely when no one wants to hear of the deeper things anymore...

Author's Note

Please don't Comment in general read if you want though I really am just throwing a rock into a dead abandoned bush.