sharing oxygen

"You'll never see me again 'Cause I miss you already."

it's strange how the light never looks like waves
as it splashes
and
ebbs
and
pours
all over and into the dark
and breaks the silence with the droning hum of the evening.
sitting, warm and intact, we wait for the stars to disappear
so we can be alone.
once alone we operate like a machine
gears made to work with eachother
for eachother.
the sun is a tsunami of morning before i realize
that we've been here all night.
the day breaks and its illumination cascades onto the windshield
before it floods the cabin.
it reaches our chins and we don't bother to breathe
because when you're sharing oxygen
it's hard to drown.

Reviews

[ashley]

once alone we operate like a machine
gears made to work with eachother
for eachother.

each other is not one word

[LostCauze[:P]]

Great Poem, The flow was throughout and the choice of vocab was terrific. It really set the mood and gave more emotional impact into the poem. Keep writing.

[fgsgdsf]

Wow, very nice Ben!
Flows very well

-Allie

[Emily B]

I love that last line: 'because when you're sharing oxygen / it's hard to drown.'

The rhythm is unbroken all the way through. Lots of lovely images.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

seriously? this is great. how old are you? i didn't look at your profile yet, but i know your picture looked young. this is fantastic. it carries out a metaphor in ways that most mature poets can't... your mind most work in wondrous ways :)

i was just... fascinated, when i realize what you were doing, and what you meant by it not looking like waves, and then describing all the ways it acting like a wave.

oh yum.

this is delicious.

fantastic job!