A Man and My Musings

I started off with a small thought and just wrote about the guy from there Written from the perspective of someone inspecting a person

He had a rose shaped cuff link it was made of something silvery, most likely it was some aluminum alloy he was't very wealthy, i could tell from the way he spoke, he would always start speaking slowly then start speaking quicker until he reached some magic point bit his tongue and returned to the slow calculated speech. His shoes were black leather like any formal dress shoes aught to be, simple design, no scuffing which i find odd, i doubt he wears them often so as to keep them clean. His slacks were much more complex in design, i'm sure it was done in order to hide repeated tailoring, especially once i considered the cloth, the dye is slightly off as though some swatches were more faded than others and the wear is subtly different on the frills than the pant legs themselves. His jacket was in many ways an embodiment of that one saying "same song second verse" a plain well worn silk tie with a simple white dress shirt with a jacket made of three different fabrics if my count was correct, one for the body one for the chest and sleeves and a final for the cuffs. all and all a well cared for suit and one likely to bring a poor family a few decent positions the man would have passed any interview i would give. shame though, it got all bloody when they killed him, with all this before me i only have one conclusion i need a vacation if i envy a dead man.

Reviews

[Autumn T.]

This is good, but you have a lot of run-on sentences, so I'm going to show you how it would be without any run-ons...

Original Paragraph:
He had a rose shaped cuff link it was made of something silvery, most likely it was some aluminum alloy he was't very wealthy, i could tell from the way he spoke, he would always start speaking slowly then start speaking quicker until he reached some magic point bit his tongue and returned to the slow calculated speech. His shoes were black leather like any formal dress shoes aught to be, simple design, no scuffing which i find odd, i doubt he wears them often so as to keep them clean. His slacks were much more complex in design, i'm sure it was done in order to hide repeated tailoring, especially once i considered the cloth, the dye is slightly off as though some swatches were more faded than others and the wear is subtly different on the frills than the pant legs themselves. His jacket was in many ways an embodiment of that one saying "same song second verse" a plain well worn silk tie with a simple white dress shirt with a jacket made of three different fabrics if my count was correct, one for the body one for the chest and sleeves and a final for the cuffs. all and all a well cared for suit and one likely to bring a poor family a few decent positions the man would have passed any interview i would give. shame though, it got all bloody when they killed him, with all this before me i only have one conclusion i need a vacation if i envy a dead man.

Better Paragraph:
He had a rose-shaped cuff link that was made of something silvery, most likely it was some aluminum alloy he was't very wealthy; i could tell from the way he spoke. He would always start speaking slowly then start speaking quicker until he reached some magic point, bit his tongue, and returned to the slow, calculated speech. His shoes were black leather like any formal dress shoes aught to be; simple design, no scuffing. Which i find odd; i doubt he wears them often so as to keep them clean. His slacks were much more complex in design, i'm sure it was done in order to hide repeated tailoring, especially once i considered the cloth. The dye is slightly off as though some swatches were more faded than others and the wear was subtly different on the frills than the pant legs themselves. His jacket was, in many ways, an embodiment of that one saying "same song second verse"; a plain well worn silk tie with a simple white dress shirt with a jacket made of three different fabrics, if my count was correct. One for the body, one for the chest and sleeves, and a final for the cuffs. all and all a well cared for suit and one likely to bring a poor family a few decent positions. the man would have passed any interview i would give. shame though, it got all bloody when they killed him, with all this before me i only have one conclusion i need a vacation if i envy a dead man.

I didn't fix anything in that paragraph except for your run-ons, so if you want me to show you about proper grammar and all of that useless stuff go ahead and message me, I'll show you it in a message. (: