"I think I hate myself"

"I think I hate myself and I have no one else to blame but myself" We all strive to find a place where we belong, somewhere where we feel valued, liked and respected.

Life is vast. It's amazing and functions in myriad of ways that I can't even fathom. Stop to think about it for a second, every single individual you've ever met or came across anywhere have dreams, hopes, aspirations, fears, insecurities just like yourself. It's a humbling thought and it should remind us to be kind to everyone for we do not know what they have been through. This journey we walk is short no matter how one might spin it. For some it lasts until their last rest while others may leave us too soon. Once more this should inspire us to be kind, to be joyful, to be respectful and helpful towards others. We live such short lives and it would be a shame to spend what little time one might have towards being close minded, hostile, aggressive and angry at the world.

Despite all of this, we will meet countless of people during our chapters. Some might stay with us for a long time, while others may only briefly cross our paths before continuing on their own way. What I'm trying to get at is that people will come and go in one way or another. But amidst all of this there is someone who will never leave. Who will stick with you through all the good times as well as the bad ones. 

Yet why do I treat them poorly? Why do I yell and scream, cry and weep, tell them mean things with no regard for their feelings? Would I treat a friend this way? I hope not. But yet I tell those things to myself. 

"You're not good enough"

"You're not trying hard enough"

"Why are you holding out hope?"

"You'll be left alone"

"You're a fraud and soon everyone will know"

"Just give up"

I tell myself these things often, maybe daily. If I am to travel this path called life for my remaining years. How is it that I can find it in myself to both utter these things and at the same time believe them. I have no one else to blame, no matter what has transpired in the past it's my fault for believing it. How do I convince myself that I'm fine, when I think I hate myslef.