Lessons Learned

How do I thank you for the lessons you've taught me? How do I make sense of the constant battle within my heart between hatred & gratitude? How can such contrasting emotions reside in the same heart?
Thank you for showing me that although I may think that I have imagined the worst that could happen; when I find myself on my knees begging for mercy, believing that I am beyond my breaking point, you somehow manage to catapult the possibilities of dangers sent to destroy me.. Through that, I learned to leave extra space for the horrors that hadn't yet entered my mind.. I became stronger, more adaptable..
Thank you for the countless, endless nights that you left me alone, sobbing, naked on the bathroom floor, in shock at your cruelty & betrayal.. Through that, I learned to be independent, to be resilient, to expect the unexpected, but the most precious lesson of all, that only I can change the way I feel.. I am solely responsible for the way I react to you; that through my own dysfunction, I taught YOU how to treat me.. I, alone, allowed the abuse, I allowed myself to become your silent victim because the payoff was so phenomenal, the tender apologies, the gentle touches, the genuine angst in your eyes when you saw my heart shattered across the floor like a broken vase..
I'm stronger now, I'm not who I once was, I crave kindness & affection & never again will I allow myself to be degraded, hurt, & humiliated in the vain attempt to feel love.. That's not love, you're not a lover, but you are, indeed, a very powerful teacher..

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Seems just adds to the fire... from the first one I read... the cause and effect of the whole mess of things... you clearly set the tone again in these lines... but in this you take the pains as the title says: lesson learned... to move on and have a better understanding of life... and the road is not so bumpy like before...

[Sami Khalil]

"Thank you for the countless, endless nights that you left me alone, sobbing, naked on the bathroom floor, in shock at your cruelty & betrayal.. Through that, I learned to be independent, to be resilient, to expect the unexpected, but the most precious lesson of all, that only I can change the way I feel.."
A powerful write indeed full of confessionals and honesty to the bones with deeply- held tender emotions of love which was the betrayal and the source of abuse ...
Well penned and perfect...:)

[Malan]

Thank you so much, my friend.. I'm hell bent on finding my way through this..

[Sami Khalil]

You are on the right path...And welcome...:)