Shambles

Sometimes I come to realize that

maybe I'm more broken than I thought.

Who would want a broken girl?

no one.

Who would even like to come inside?

Who would like to be the only one standing 

in an empty room that was once crowded.

I'm picky.

I'm mean-

I run at the slightest thought of someone wanting to help me

yet I sit and wonder why I cannot find someone to help.

I'm waiting for a prince,

a fairytale.

The stories say that even if you push away 

there will be someone there to stay by your side.

I never liked those kinds of stories,

I liked the stories about strong,

independent people

who saved the world by themselves

and asked no thanks.

But have I fallen for this ideal?

I see a room of people who try to help. but one by one they leave. 

Until eventually there is just one person left.

They try,

but soon grow quiet.

They get tired of trying, 

they heave a deep sigh and leave without a word-

but none is needed.

More recently than late,

I have felt the emptiness grow inside me.

I beg for someone to just not give up,

That I'm scared

that I'm Tsundere

that I will flinch when you touch me

that I'm just wearing a shell,

projecting an image of a poised 

and quiet girl in a loud world

but in reality

I'm waiting for someone who will care

someone who will see beyond

and will reach out to the girl under the shell,

the one curled up at the bottomn of a black world

where everything is quiet

and the sound of her own heartbeat drives her mad.

I wait for such a person,

truly it doesn't matter who,

but then I realize that this ideal will never come true.

For when I look around at my world in shambles

at my mistakes

at my senseless fears

and meaningless tears

I have to ask who would want this.

Who would want a broken toy. 

As of late... I'm.. I have been unconsciously pushing out myself.

In normal conversation I take it down a dark alley way

just beckoning the other person to come along.

I'm throwing out my pains

and horrors in every-which-way

at anybody who slows their pace by just a second.

I've become so utterly broken that even though I try

to continue this charade

this projection of someone who is fine, 

who is strong,

my body is throwing itself at anyone, absolutely anyone,

waiting for someone who will discard their 

brand new condition toy,

for a toy that is beyond repair. 

Reviews

[Gareth6d]

I love this! So much emotion!