I'm Not Scared

     When I was a little kid, I went to a friend's birthday party for the first time. I'd never experienced the thrill of the music and the swimming and cake and balloons and piles of gifts. I remembered having my own birthday parties before but, nothing quite like theirs. They lived in a big house with a pool in the backyard and a playground. At the time, everyone wanted to attend. I even remember receiving the party invitation. My mom drove me and dropped me off at the sitting room. This was where all of the kids would enter. The very first thing I remember seeing is lots of balloons and listening to the sounds of laughing and splashing echoing from the backyard. 

     Considering that I'd never been to a party before, when my mother left I felt extremely nervous. The house was a bit of a maze but luckily the birthday girl saw that I was a little nervous and lead me to the backyard where all the other kids were playing and fooling around. There was a huge pool full of happy kids and a picnic area where all the adults sat to eat and watch. Her mother told me to change into my bathing suit, so I disappeared into the house and quickly changed. I walked out with my bathing suit on and was ready to jump into the pool. I began swimming with all of the other kids, splashing and laughing and playing 'marco-polo.'

     About an hour later, one of the adults told us all to get out of the pool and get ready for them to cut the cake. They had these long picnic tables set out next to the pool and this huge cake was set on top with six little glowing candles. By this time it was already almost six o'clock and the sun was starting to go down, so it was hard to see but the candles shined brilliantly so we all were excited. I was waiting in line to get a slice of cake when I saw a splash of color in the corner of my eye. I turned my head to find that there was someone hiding in the shadows of the backdoor. They had white face paint with red marks under their eyes and a huge red smear of makeup circling their mouth. Their hair was frizzy and green and they were smiling.

     I remember seeing them hunching their shoulders and pressing their index finger to their lips. They hushed and then smiled a wide-eyed grin. I felt a chill roll down my spine and then climb back up to the top of my neck. They silently crept back behind the door and disappeared into the kitchen. I didn't know whether to be scared or to ignore them, so I tried to pretend like nothing ever happened and sat down at a picnic table beside my friend with a slice of cake in front of me. I stared at it for a while, thinking about what I just saw. My friend asked me if I was okay and I just nodded.

     

     A few minutes later, once everyone had gotten a slice of cake, suddenly some playful music came on. All the kids got hyped up and everyone gathered around the picnic tables. I didn't know what was happening until I saw a familiar figure appear from behind the backdoor's door frame. It was the clown. The thing I couldn't quite understand back then. I immediately felt scared. He was smiling and laughing and he chuckled as he happily strolled out from behind the door frame with a set of balloons in his hand. All the kids began rushing towards him begging for one of his colorful balloons.

  

Me?

I just sat there.

Staring.

     By this point I already wanted to go home. He began passing out balloons one by one and complimenting the kids. One of the adults took out their camera and wanted to take a picture of them both before standing back. She glanced at me and waved for me to join them. I silently and slowly walked towards them. The clown spotted me, smiled a big-tooth grin, and then winked. I froze for a second, feeling both confused and terrified. I didn't know why I was scared. I knew that it was just a man with a shitload of makeup, funny hair, and a stupid outfit, but for some reason I just couldn't get my feet to move. The woman quickly hurried me along and made me stand awkwardly next to another kid. Luckily I was mostly on the outside of the cluster, but I still felt extremely uncomfortable.

     She took the picture and I ran towards the farthest picnic table on the right as I could to try and get away from the clown, but only moments later did the clown sit at our table and start talking to some of my friends. Not long after a long and awkwardly terrifying conversation with the clown, the music turned up again. I remember him standing up with a large hop and then running to begin his performance. I even remember his voice. It sounded like Ronald McDonald had a terrifying baby son and decided to force him to inhale helium for a f*****g hour straight. It chilled me.

     He began juggling and doing magic tricks. It was kind of fun at first, watching him dance, but then he called me up. He wanted me to participate in a shocking act. I didn't wanna do it. I was too scared to even say anything, but then he practically dragged me into the audience's view and began giving me instructions. He ended up throwing darts towards me as I stood target. He told me to imagine myself being invincible and then threw a fake dart towards my forehead. I was scared but expected to live. They gave me a round of applause and then he allowed me to sit down. 

     You have no idea how shaky I was by this point. I felt like crying and I could feel a churning in my stomach. Why didn't I just say "no thank you?" :/

     By the end of the party, it was around eight o'clock and my mom was on her way to pick me up. The clown was in the living room, teaching kids some magic tricks and entertaining them. I however, was waiting in the sitting room to go home. He must've noticed that I was sitting there alone and decided to walk up to me. I remember his face being uncomfortably close to mine as he did the classical coin trick. He began laughing and picked me up off of the couch. The second that he laid his gloved hands on me, I started crying and screaming and kicking. He quickly dropped me and asked me what was wrong. 

     I ran towards one of the adults and began telling them that the "Classy the Clown was scaring me." They apologized to the clown and began giving me this in depth conversation about why clowns aren't scary. I didn't care what they thought. He touched me and I was scared of it. I felt violated to be honest. My mom arrived to see me crying on the living room couch. She lead me out the door and we got our goody bags and climbed into the car.

  

     I just remember the clown's face in the window. It waved at me and smiled before disappearing behind the curtain. Ever since that birthday party, I can never be around clowns without shaking in fright. The last time I saw a clown in person, I hid behind my friends and tried to hurry along.

     I won't ever forget that red smeared smile and that gloved hand waving at me.

     Nor will I forget seeing his gloved finger pressing against his red lips.

     Coulrophobia is a kid thing,

     But I'm not scared.

 

     I'm

     Not....

Author's Note

if you have coulrophobia then yeah this might seem a bit disturbing to you. Ciao

Reviews

[Autonomous]

F**k that, A clown staring at you through a window and smiling, that is enough for me to grab the gasoline and burn down a f*****g circus. Great work, clowns are awful and not really that funny.

[Dominik D. Rites]

ikr. Thank you. I still have coulrophobia to this day and I've seen a lot of clowns since then. I just hide behind my friends or do my best to go around them lmao. I still get really shakey tho ): But yeah grab the gasoline, spread it everywhere, light the lighter, and then RUN!!! lmaoooo