Journal not poem

personal

10 to the millionth of imagination I feel and 10 to the trillionth is found and lost. This determination to stop and live without and with. THIS GOD DAMN TWO SIDED GAME. Detonating detonation is what I like to think others view me and how I may one day pick a word to describe me already. Accept the inevitable they say as they categorize me with one side before they know I exist. We're in the cross hairs of each other as soon as we put ourselves above animals. Temperament for tempers grow weaker every 4th of July we pretend like the fireworks are for the kids or our nation. Soul reflections make the sole fractures just a tiny bit better when we decide to be brave and reach out to a stranger in pain. With random joy comes ingrate child toy. F**k it theyre not toys when i see these kids using them instead of playing with blank faces. I analyze scrutinize with fantasize theyll stop and become wise and kind with literally anyone that can do the same. I've accepted my present ive faced my past but to have faith in a future like the way i once did, I can only feel nothing. I pray less and less and grow closer and closer to catatonic nihilism. I rub my eyes till im blind for a moment and deafen myself with some music that grows weaker and weaker in my mind so i can give my mind a rest. Crosshairs. Ive been writing for a year now, dudnt make me a vet but in 2 years time my time as a poet will be over, I am only original in my delusional ego. Like these children who finally look away from their screen command they are different FOR NO F*****G REASON