A poem about emptiness

A poem about the reality of depression. At least in my experience.

When nothing seems to matter, you feel completely alone.

When you try expressing yourself your words won’t come out.

The only way to feel is to scream and shout.

My body is convulsing from all the unspoken pain.

My mind is not a safe place, I want to leave my brain.

I spend my days stuck in an endless grumble

Not feeling anything is extremely boring, but feeling too much is simply annoying.

Why do we do this? When will it end? Why is sadness a symptom of intelligence?

Being ignorant and detached seems much better.

I can’t be bothered to rhyme the rest, there’s too much to say and words tend to fail me.

Craving is uncomfortable. 

An insatiable urge. 

An incessant desire.

The more you give in the worse you get. 

Temporary relief is addictive. An instant ease, a cure for the pain. 

But you use it in vain.

When you want to die but don’t have the energy or the motivation, things feel bleak.

I’m standing at the peak.

Waiting to fall.

Wishing for someone to call out my name and make me feel sane.

Yet I give in to this sin, time and time again.

Why can’t I just stand up in this murky water and save myself from drowning in this ocean of temptation.

I’m losing myself 

A piece each day is painfully shaven away.

Filled with shame and regret, I want to change my ways.

I need stability, somewhere safe.

Where I can escape

And feel what’s killing me so I can hope again.

Find myself and bring her back

Find the things that I now lack.

Author's Note

Let me know if this counts as poetry. Sorry for the depressing writing, it's just a peek into my mind.

Reviews

[living lavender]

wow. just wow....this was perfect. i don't think it could have been put into better words.
these feelings. this river. no ocean. of emotion was on point. the stunning imagery. you captured a very dark feeling and gave it life in a way people can see it. without having to experience it.
my favorite line: "My body is convulsing from all the unspoken pain."
{i believe that line is the most vulnerable explanation of depression. amazing job.}