Guardians' Lament

The rain hides my tears

The thunder drowns my cries

My heart bleeds for you

That is why it storms

 

The wings on my back are heavy

The water dripping off of them

The power flickers in sync with the lightening

The rain is washing the blood away

 

Washing away the pain...

Why do I hurt so many?

My wings shouldn't be mine...

They should be yours...

Author's Note

This is one of my first poems I wrote.

Reviews

[Caleb Pendleton]

Interesting concept. I like the visual nature of this, tying in with theme of the poem itself. My only criticism is that you should avoid repetition if you don't plan to keep it up. The use of "hides" twice in the first stanza and then never again in the whole poem. Change one of them to something else or change one line all together. Besides that you've got a very nice piece here, consider what I've said but don't let it dampen any pride you have for this poem, it's well deserved.

[李[A]]

Very nice first poem. A little constructive criticism here: I'm kind of confused on the use of ellipses in the last stanza, and also your vocab can be described with further imagery with the learning of vocabulary. Nonetheless, this piece seems very nice with an intriguing surreptitious message.