"In My Silence"

In My Silence

In my silence, my heart slows and my mind races,

I think about divine feeling and how mine resist changes.

I think about how my soul is still broken,

my eyes still swollen.

In my silence I find clarity, in the world and in me.

I realize the world stays cold; that I'm as happy as I truly can be.

I realize that my skin is my own but is not,

the scars are mine but my surface isn't, or so I was taught.

More so, I learned.

In my silence I find cold fears, and long lasting tears.

I find myself scared to let him in; to allow him cross the river of my tears.

I find myself terrified to allow him inside the depths of my being.

To allow him the time of day to experience what I'm seeing.

More so, what my mirrors shows me.

In my silence I find memories of pain; memories of betrayal.

I find myself remembering the way he forced my innocence upon him.

I find my heart racing; remembering what could have been,

More so, what shouldn't have happened.

In my silence I find myself loosing grip on reality, dropping my sanity.

I find myself reaching for the mind I once had, the person I once was.

I find myself with swollen eyes, reminiscing, and then knowing what I now see,

In my silence I fight with what can't possibly be.

More so, I realize it's just me.

 

Author's Note

Thoughts? It has in fact been awhile since I wrote.