The Labyrinth of IdentityA Story by FranceskaThis is a work in progress and is open for different interpretations. I am aware of the plot being slightly confusing. Either way, I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this.
Is there more than one me inside? Am I only one me. Am I really me? How many of me are there? Am I me? I don't think so. There is no me. I am no one. The possibility of me is one in three. So I could never be. I know. I could never be one in the name of brain splitting. I am me. I have to be. Why won't you stop staring at me… With those soulless black orbs. Begging, screaming internally until you get what you desire. Once you get it you never want to let go. The whining is killing me internally. Circling me ever so slowly. Please make it stop. You stop. You won't stop. You can't. My brain is going to blow. So obnoxious. So oblivious. So alone. Is it dark there? Sad and humid. Possibly it is a white room with a couch and carpet and a nightstand. Maybe even isn't there at all. What do you want from me? What is it? Not love. Everything for yourself? Why are you doing it again? It is so very annoying. For a second I beg, shut up. I cave. My baby. My world. I hate it. Leave and never let me lay eyes on you again. You agitate me. Stop. All you ever do is get angry. It's alright. Why don't you know anything? You are so irritating. It is so exhausting. Can't you just be? Do it. Be me. Please.
Do it yourself, all you are is lazy. Why must I be confined to such a small space? I want to be free. You are free. I wish you would stop complaining. Why must it be so loud? I would rather stab my eardrum than listen any longer. Tone it down. Stop. Not only burdened with loudness but screeches. Sometimes I wish you would disappear. Never to be heard or seen again. My ears are aching. Why is everything so dramatic? Why must you act this way? How did you find this? Who are you anyway? No matter what I do, you always come back. You are always so extra aren't you. Shut up, it's so loud. Go away. How many times must I tell you, don't come back. No one wants you. You won’t seem to leave me alone. You are only a lowly parasite. A leech. Stop whining, you annoying snob. Since when can’t people share. It isn't nice to be selfish. Do you ever stop being selfish? I already know the answer. It is so funny. All you do is care about yourself. What about everyone else? If they were in trouble you wouldn’t help. You don’t know me at all. You aren't me, You will never be. I am in control, this is my life. You say that but will you remember. Why won’t you stop, you are such a pain in the neck. You have room. If I were you I wouldn't talk. Seeing that pitiful look knowing you can hardly remember what you are typing is hilarious. It is. This is so funny all the time. I hate this. I want you and everything else to stop. This is and will never be me. I am a human being with morals and respect for myself and others. Why do you lie so much? I can’t do it. Anything. Again with those beady eyes. Knock it off everyday again. You are in one of those moods again. Go back to the room. You seem to love it so much anyway. Instead of complaining about me all the time, how about letting me be. No. You love that white room with the sofa and rug, the chattering of people. Is this really me? It can’t be. Who are you? You want me to go back? I was hardly there to begin with. Why won’t you be me? It is so annoying everyday. Great. How do you still know nothing? You are so boring. I wish I could know and experience everything. I feel empty. That is all. I do not want to be fulfilled. How miserable. I in a way enjoy the emptiness. I will allow it to consume me till the day I die if possible. I hate it as well. The one thing I desire is happiness. You don’t know what you want. Neither do you. I feel stuck, like a tree planted until finally being chopped down. I am waiting for the day I will be chopped down. Do you think or even have a brain? I have everything I need and more. You are nothing but a liar. Almost everything you utter and write is a lie. You are wrong. You think only you are right. Just because you don’t agree doesn’t mean I am untruthful. You are though, I know you better than anyone. Another pointless comment like usual. I am lost. I feel as if I am in an endless abyss waiting to die. It's an illusion. I can hardly tell reality from dreams. You are really stupid. I don’t know what to do with myself. I am alone. I am annoyed. I am tired of this life. Most of all I am tired of this obnoxious brain. It's so loud. How did the subject go? It was good then bad. It is boring. Bland no life in what you write. It is all meaningless words that will never be seen by another's eyes. It will never be appreciated like you appreciate it. If you even do. I want to be appreciated and soaked into the words I write. I want to devour them. They are my heart and desires. They are my conscious thoughts. I want them to be heard and noticed. I do indeed have a brain somewhere. Wherever it may be. Even if I didn't, I am a conscious being. Why would someone want to appreciate anything anyone else does? It doesn’t even benefit them. I don’t understand people. Why do they care? Do you think anyone actually cares deep down or are they all selfish like you? No one seems to care. They care but only for a minute. After that it's like it was never brought up in the first place. Deep down I don’t believe we care. We want to though. I doubt I have ever met someone who truly cares. Then again you don’t seem to meet very kind people at all. Everyone feels like a robot to me. They care for a second then they don’t. Am I selfish? Is that a selfish thought? I am not saying they aren’t real but they don’t show emotion for long. It ends as fast as it began. In some ways. Even not appearing hurt you still can be. Humans are very delicate. A lot of them hear something they do not like and resort to yelling or violence. It is almost so silly it makes me chuckle. Why do we do the things we do? Anger is the funniest emotion. One minute someone could be angry and the next they are fine. It doesn’t make sense. I get angry quite a lot. It is funny, I find it funny. I do enjoy seeing people show emotions. It is very warm in a way. It is human I assume. I hate my emotions. They are humiliating. Why are you laughing like that? You can’t tell them the things that you feel. It is dehumanizing. How if it’s human? You make no sense, you have to be logical. At least a little bit. You never stop, go away. How many times must I tell you? You only interfere. This is predetermined. Not by you or me but the brain. You are not your brain. You are nothing. You will cease to exist soon enough. I don’t know that. I can’t. I know nothing. You know nothing whatever you think you do is wrong. How will you ever know? I hate you more than anything else. I don't need anyone or anything. I want to be alone. Forever. It is all so annoying. How long must I look into the mirror for it to see me as a person.
© 2023 FranceskaAuthor's Note
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Added on November 1, 2023 Last Updated on November 1, 2023 Tags: Mental Health, Philisophical, Autobiographical Novel |