Buoyancy

Nobody told me that caffeine was buoyant but it's the only thing keeping me afloat on this sea of apathy 

Where I can never be what I wanted to be and the concept of 'joy' is foreign to me,

So I hammer my receptors with intoxicants until the divide between me and the feeling is too blurry to discern,

Though I guess I'll never learn that the aftermath is killing me;

Absence chips away day by day at the brittle armour around my heart which I never intended to wear but can't seem to tear away,

Would that make you want to stay?

Would you continue being flayed by the choices that you've made?

Would you fight against the darkness and your craving for the grade,

Or would you buckle and surrender under pressure you can't take?

Would you pray your friends remember once you've locked yourself away, that you're driven by necessity and meant to cause no pain?

Wear my shoes, I beg of you, make sure you leave the laces loose,

Cause sadness is addictive and hope is such a wild goose,

The chase is far from thrilling when the omens say you're born to lose, but I reserve the right to choose persistence over darkness,

Though I'm strangled by the starkness of the future in a world whose population are so heartless,

So I'm scrambling for ways to hide the signs that people can't miss, cause all I ever wanted was to be something that's not THIS.