Remove or Remain

Bit of a throwback to how I felt a few months ago, definitely needs reading aloud for it to flow properly

So I think I'll remain in a place where the pain can abstain from assaulting my brain for a while, as it rains and I burst like the banks of the Nile, I will snap beneath strain within the jaws of crocodiles; no longer able to sustain the weight of worlds, the colour drains out of my curls and stains my skin as I unfurl, as it descends to meet it's end it forms a puddle laced with swirls and twists and bends, and my reflection in the liquid speaks of damage I can't mend, it criticises every feature in a way I can't contend, I face seclusion and the sanity I'm losing, the catalyst is the fact I'm pissed; can't seem to shake the booze and all the thoughts of what I missed when I was terrified of losing, rattled breathing, weezing, always choosing wrongly, disapproving of the things my heart desires oh so strongly, shelter in the folds of silky gold and hold my head in shame as I grow older by the day and never feel I'm any closer to the way I want to be, I live in fear of the ghosts of everything that I have seen, but I will toast to hope and smoke the dope til my eyes begin to gleam, reject the notion that this ocean's endless, the grass always seems green where I am not, so I'll accept the dirt and wander on until my heart has stopped.