Thinking of you

Confustion, sadness, guilt.. all can kill a single persons soul or even their mind. When it comes to hurting someone you love, you want to back down, you want to turn away from him and tell him your staying with the one you love right now, you want to tell him to stay away and not help, just to go about his buisness like you aren't real.... but when he hugs you from behind... tells you he cares and wants to help his friend.. you want to ask.. you want to hold,  you want to speak the words of the devil and shame yourself for it later.

"Is that all I am to you?... a friend?"

You feel a slight nudge in your stomache making you hold back trying to open your mouth and speak, but your body and mind are keeping your love in your head and keeping him in your heart refusing to give in to this guys spell of confustion and promise.

"Well no..... but yes."

Wondering if he feels this hurt that seems to be stabbing your heart with every beat, trying to stay focused and stay tall and not fall to the ground like your heart already has, feeling your heart beat faster and louder. Not knowing how to react to his answer, what would you say? How would you say it? Would you be an idiot... or just be cold hearted, Turning to face him, still in his arms and now embracing your arms around his neck, you look up at his eyes, beautiful and calm saying a thousand words to you when only three words can bring it all together.

"Yes.... no..... what?"

What would have made it more simplier..... what would have made it more... calm and convincing to answer. Nothing nothing would have made it more calm or convincing... but nothing makes it easy for him to answer without his arms starting to release their grip around your waste and pull away. This was good, he was backing off before anything could start, before both of you got carried away and lost focused...

"Nothing,, just forget it."

but you won't let go of him, tears weld up in your eyes, you refuse to let him go, let him go away and find another, go away and leave you in the middle of the forrest alone.. It wasn't fair that you couldn't know the truth couldn't hear it from his lips and then have your mind and heart spin out of controle letting your tears finally fall and hit your bare legs, even though... you refuse... to love him

"I...I want... I want to know Espio."

You begin to choke on tears... choke and grip him tighter, closer and having a more hard time to not cry over him.... he was like spilled milk and yet you cry.... he was like a broken glass when there are millions of them... and you cry.... why... why would you cry? He leans in putting his head against your and quietly, like a whispers tells you your answer.

"I love you... I think.. I don't know I feel this energy when I'm close to you, like your calling me to you."

You settle down as he tightens his grip again and smiles looking into your perfect blue eyes sending shock waves through you that almost make you breathless, but you smile to and rub your head against his almost giggling.

"You think..... works for me..."

He frowns some looking at you and you blink as your smile disappers looking at him. His eyes are now filled with questions, wonders, and doubts that send your eyes to look at your hips which his hands have claimed pulling you close to him, not knowing that you like the feeling of his hands against your hips like that. He clears his throat making you look up and stare at him again, his eyes are closed and he sighs opening them.

"What do you think about me?"

He question sned relief over you and you smiles big playing with his long spikey hair and without hesitation, say

"Words can't describe it, I can't explain anything except I feel light headed and short of breath.. like you take me away."

He hmm's for a moment and leans into you, ready to kiss you. Your lips brush against together waiting for someone to open up and enter the Forbidden area that you dare enter, but no one opens, you brush your lips without kissing, without opening, his hand cups your face and your hands press against his chest. For a moment your touching, brushing, wanting one another... when suddenly he pulls away and stands up with saddness on his face and a watch up... he was late for work.... you reach for him... not knowing if you will make it.... but in a matter of a second the truth was told and the devil did his work... he was gone... and your left.. in tears wanting someone... to just shoot you in the head.