Sailor

Odysseus did not fear the "Gods" because everything he loved was taken from him. He saw a large monster between him and his loved ones and he did not cower. He is a symbol of courage.

(Incomplete)

“Sailor! Sailor!
Tread with fear!
Pray before you sail away.
This mighty god beneath the sea

Spares only those who heeds their knee.

Yeild, now to humility,

And say this prayer here with me:

‘Gentile Poseidon, hear my prayer.
I sail your seas, I fear your wrath.
See me not as a trespasser.
I ask you humbly on my knees,
Take me as your Lord these nights,
While I sail the nights upon your seas.’”

“Be wary sir, your prayer is heard,

But I yield not to god and sea.
I crawl his back against his will
and he sends his armies daily still.

So if you see me on the wave
turn away lest you be slain.
For where I sail there will be storms
For this god still tries to kill me.”

 

(Old version)

Sailor! Sailor!
Tread with fear!
Pray before you sail away.
Pray this prayer in humility:

"Gentile Poseidon, hear my prayer.
I sail your seas, I fear your wrath.
See me not as a trasspasser.
I ask you humbly on my knees,
Take me as your Lord these nights,
While I do sail your seas."

Thank you sir, I head your warning.
My fate is told, this God does fear me.
I crawl his back against his will
And still I live. Still I live.
If you see me on these planes
Do turn away or you might be slain.
For where I sail there will be storms
For this God still tries to kill me.

Author's Note

This wasn't meant to rhyme, but I thought I'd go "psalm style". Enjoy.

Reviews

[Dusty]

I like this idea, though in my opinion Odysseus wasn't courageous, he was a lustful simpleton who didn't know how to humble himself. Too bad he didn't recite this prayer before he went to sea.... =P He may have gotten back before 20 years....
This seems unfinished in a way, and it is rather disappointing cause I wanted it so badly to continue. I enjoy these types of writings, and the psalm style fits it well. I can hear it in my head. You did say at the top it was unfinished though, so I highly anticipate the final version.
A word of advice though? The last paragraph did not really have the same easy flow as the first two. It seemed jotted down instead of painting in the flowing script like the previous paragraph. Perhaps you meant to do that though....

[Stacey Watts]

Very well written. I like ths way this was written. It was very unique and the words flowed well

[kirstey Lost,Crushed,Co..]

ohhh! i love this the rythm is good and wow =] well done

[Michael X]

nice style, the flow itself completes the messege, an eternal struggle
of faith. a metaphorical, great rendering, keep it up

[Red Brick Keshner]

See this through its completion and allow the work to see its fullness. I anticipate the reading of the full poem/story/tale/saga.

[Emily Quinn]

this poem has some great potential, i would love to see it lengethend a little bit but its great, unique and not a topic you see poems of too often.

[Coyote Poetry]

Poem started very strong. The sea is so powerful. We need to pray for a safe return. Ending left me wanting more words.
Coyote

[Hello, Goodbye]

great start and usage of the style.. send a request when youve added or concluded, I would love to continue reading.