Horoscopes

The ups and downs of reading horoscopes.

HOROSCOPES

 

 Charity was watching her weekly horoscope forecast while still having breakfast. The voice of Marshall, the astrologer who read out the horoscopes through the screen of the television said, “Virgo will have to do a lot of tidying up this week, mentally as well as psychologically. Things have been getting rather lax lately, and stray ends will have to be sorted out before they become too big to handle.”

Charity, who was a real Virgo, the members of the zodiac who love everything in its place and a place for everything, switched off the television and stood up, and carried her breakfast crockery over to the sink where she gave it a perfunctory wash. The view from the kitchen window was desolate. The rain fell in sheets down the window panes and impeded seeing who might be going to the shops. As far as she could see, the street was empty of people, who were most likely indoors and having another cup of tea and wondering what morning television to watch. Meanwhile the rain made no effort to slow down or stop altogether.

Marshall was right as per usual, she needed to sort out the problems in her life. That morning there was a total abuse of water everywhere, the rain was coming down and people were having showers. Charity had a scalding shower in an effort to get warmed up, and then made the marital bed. The boys’ bedroom was an unforgiving sight. They were both so untidy, and weren’t too keen on her going into their room. Both Charity and Ian, their father, had warned them not to be so untidy. They were always losing things, and blaming each other when such an object was not to be found. Charity’s sons, Anthony and Albert, were twins and inseparable. They did everything together, even to messing up their room. Charity had lost count of the number of times she had warned them that if they didn’t put their things in the right place, she would bin the lot. Her words had fallen on deaf ears, but on that wet day and with the words ringing in her ears that she would have a lot of tidying up to do, she entered the boys’ bedroom and set about carrying out her horoscope for the week.

That Monday morning was the start of a change in Charity’s family life, she would no longer be the servant to her husband and sons, they would have to pull their socks up - or else!

 

Angelica was a glamorous, middle-aged lady, who ran a jewellery and ladies clothes boutique. She was a Piscean, and an avid follower of any horoscope that was going, whether it was on television or through any other media. Angelica had to know what the other astrologers had in line for her. Sometimes they seemed to coincide, but at others the forecasts were worlds apart. However, that was no deterrent to Angelica’s belief in them. That rainy morning, her forecast from Marshall was that she would go through a great change in her life and make a 180 degree turn, and come out on the winning side. The beginning of the change was to start that week, when she would begin to see things much clearer in her work situation, and her affective situation too. Alone in the shop, Angelica was thinking about Marshall’s words. What change could she positively have coming to her?

Angelica had a gentleman friend called George, who laughed at her belief in horoscopes, and said she let Marshall guide her life, instead of her. That day of the downpour, Angelica waited to hear George’s horoscope before turning off the small television in the shop’s backroom. Marshall was sitting at his desk with his crystal ball, tarot cards, and other tools of his trade, and said, “And now, for my Leo friends. This week, you will have to be very careful how you spend your money and time. You could easily make a significant loss on both, or at least one of them. So keep an eye out on what you do, and don’t listen to gossip.”

“Good morning, is that you, Angelica?” George’s voice asked.

“Yes, George, it’s me, Angelica. I’ve just heard your horoscope for the week on television. Marshall said you must take extra care this week on how you spend your time. You must not under any circumstances listen to gossip, as you could easily get involved in things that have nothing to do with you. He said that Leos needed to rest.”

“Are we going out this weekend to the theatre, and to eat?” George asked her.

“I rather think it might be a good idea to stay indoors this weekend instead of going out, especially in this weather.”

“The show we want to see is coming off at the end of this week, and we might not have another chance to see it in a long time.”

“Never mind, George, we’re not going to die just because we don’t see that show, and there might be better ones coming along soon.”

George couldn’t believe his ears. Could Angelica be prepared to resist seeing an extremely popular play, simply because a television astrologer said so? When Angelica had rung off, George booked the tickets online, reserved a table at an excellent restaurant, one that he knew Angelica would like. From then on, George kept things to himself, and said nothing to Angelica about the weekend he had planned. The words of the astrologer had fallen on deaf ears in George’s case.

 

While Charity was occupied in turning everything upside down in her sons’ bedroom and filling up bin-bags with old toys and clothes, Ian, who was Taurus, was busy making sure that things wouldn’t come to a head with Charity. He had looked at his horoscope, and saw that once again he had been saved in the love area, and that his health continued to be good. He was a bit worried about his economy, because his mother had asked him for money and he didn’t want to lend her any more, as she had never paid him back what he had already lent her over the years. Marshall had said not to lend money, and that reinforced Ian’s attitude towards his mother’s frivolous spending. Charity knew nothing of the loans and he was afraid that, the day she found out, his marriage would be over. Charity meant more to him than his mother, and Charity was also the mother of his children, so he wrote down on a piece of paper what he would say when she rang him asking him when he was going to lend her money. He felt like an actor accepting a film award, by putting pen to paper just to say ‘no’ to his mother.

 

Ivy knew George from meeting him at a gym, and they had gone for a drink after work-outs a few times. Ivy worked in creating perfumes, and when not at work never wore any. She said her nose was ruined due to constantly making up new preparations. The up-side of her work, was that she gave all kinds of beauty products as birthday and Christmas presents to family and friends. Whenever a new product was released onto the market, she made sure that she had enough freebies to give away. Ivy was a Scorpio, having her birthday in November. After having had several bad years, she was given a good horoscope by Marshall. Every week, Ivy watched her weekly horoscope on the television, and was happy to see that she was going to have a wonderful time. It was quite on the cards that she was going to have a new amour and be very content. ‘About time,’ Ivy thought to herself. She had been man-less for so long that she felt embarrassed to tell anyone. Ivy had also thought it might not be a bad idea to go in for online dating, but was it safe? That Monday, Ivy was the happiest person alive as she drove to work, at long last feeling her recent dark experiences were over.

 

The heavy rain lasted all day and night and into the next morning. Everyone’s nerves were on edge. It was enough when it rained as it so often did, but to carry on when the land was already sodden, added insult to injury. For those who desperately wished to go somewhere warmer and drier, it was impossible to catch a plane due to the heavy puddles on the runways. The streets were more similar to rivers than roads. Angelica wondered what George would suggest for the weekend, obviously he wouldn’t go to the theatre, so what would they do?

 

George was quite a strong-minded man, and when he put his mind to something he didn’t generally change his mind. As far as he was concerned they were going to the theatre and then to dinner. During the week George had no rest at all, he had made up his mind to be up to date with his work and so he worked overtime. George worked in a casino run by a man called Bruno, who was as much like a slave driver as anyone could imagine. Bruno expected his workers to work as hard as he did, and George liked his job. It was lovely handling tons of money, even when it wasn’t yours. Angelica had never set foot in the casino, and she had no wish to do so. It was a good thing that she didn’t know what a taskmaster Bruno was. The week of the rains, George felt very weak, but continued working the hundred percent Bruno demanded of everyone - even himself.

On Thursday, George began to have dizzy spells and had to sit down on several occasions. Bruno sent him to the casino doctor, who gave him a booster, and told him to rest for a while, before getting on with his work. George never said a word of all that to Angelica. He couldn’t bear the thought of hearing her reproaches and moaning all the time, so good old George kept his mouth shut and his indisposition to himself. Friday came and Bruno let George and his companions off work earlier because of the rain. George went home, showered and got into bed. He managed to get some Paracetamol inside him, before falling into a sleep of sheer exhaustion.

 

Marshall the online astrologer was doing his best to help Paula, his assistant, and as a result had forgotten to look at his own horoscope. Marshall had read Paula’s horoscope weeks before, and had warned her to be careful. Paula had gone straight ahead and fallen in love with Sydney. After all the years together, Paula’s ignoring his reading of her horoscope was a big blow for Marshall.

Sydney gambled on anything that moved. He had persuaded Paula to lend him some money. She told Marshall about the money, and he gazed into his crystal ball, the tarot cards, and the placement of the planets, in order to find a solution to Paula’s problem. Marshall said to her, “Paula, you must be careful with your money or you could lose the lot.”

“Marshall, that’s an exaggeration. Sydney just wants some cash to spend at the casino.”

“Are you simple or what? The only winner is the casino, no one else. Just remember.”

 

Paula, being besotted with Sydney, took no notice whatsoever of Marshall’s words, and gave in to Sydney’s demands. When a decent amount of time had passed, Paula asked Sydney about her money, and how long should she expect to wait for him to pay it back. Sydney said, “Sorry, Paula, I didn’t win anything. I lost the lot. That’s the bad luck of it.”

Paula felt a complete idiot, and knew she would have to tell Marshall eventually, and she knew when she did, there would be a scene.

 

“Marshall, Sydney lost my money at the casino.”

“Do you mean to tell me, the most famous astrologer on television, that you took no notice of what I warned you about Sydney? I must say I’m very disappointed with you, Paula.” Marshal wasn’t very happy with anything to do with Paula’s private life. Why had she involved him? Why had he let himself get involved with something physical, when all he wanted to do was read out horoscopes on television?

Paula was on the verge of tears but tried not to give in to them. She swallowed hard, and said, “I can only tell you, it’ll never happen again.”

“Do you need money to get by?”

“No, thanks, not for the moment, but I’ll need some more before the month is out.”

Marshall stared at Paula and wondered how much she had handed over to Sydney. Then he thought that Sydney may not have spent it all, and still had it. There was only one way to find out, Marshall would pay a visit to the casino.

 

It was Friday evening of the wet week when Marshall, instead of checking out his own horoscope for the weekend, drove over to the casino. He took with him a photo of Sydney in one of his jacket pockets. Paula had given it to Marshall to read Sydney’s character. Marshall hadn’t liked what he had seen, and Paula’s horoscope concluded that she was to be careful with her money.

Marshall arrived at the casino, and wandered around from room to room and table to table. He asked the croupiers at the different tables whether they recognized the man in the photo. Then a rather important looking man approached Marshall, it was Bruno, and he asked him what he wanted.

“I’m looking for the man in this photo, for personal reasons. A friend of mine lent him a large sum, and he says he lost it here. If that’s the truth then that’s it, but I have a feeling he’s lying to my friend.”

Bruno, said, “Come with me to my office. We store our daily videos for quite a long time, for our own purposes and in case the authorities want to have a look at them. How long ago did this happen, more or less?”

“Two weeks ago, if I remember rightly.”

Bruno ran through his pile of DVDs and said, “The information you want might just be on one of these. Let’s take a look.”

Bruno put two DVDs in the machine and they watched the two from beginning to end. Sydney didn’t make any appearance at all.

“It looks as if he stole the money for his own ends.” Marshall said, and then, “Thank you for your help. I appreciate it.”

“Not at all, I hope you manage to get hold of him, and get the money back. Good night,” Bruno said to Marshall.

 

Marshall went out into the still pouring rain and sat inside his car. He was thinking about what to say to Paula, and what to do about Sydney. He rang Paula up, and asked her, “Where does Sydney live?”

“He lives at 18 Thornton Road, are you going round there to see him?”

“Never you mind what I’m going to do. You have embroiled me in your business and now it has to be finished one way or another.”

“I’m sorry, I never thought anything like this would happen.”

“That’s the trouble, you never thought - even after you had been warned. How do you think your lack of trust in my predictions makes me feel?”

Marshall started up his car and drove out into the dark, soaking wet night. He went straight into a parked lorry with no lights on. The noise of the crash could be heard from quite a distance. The police and firemen came and had to cut the astrologer out of the wreckage. When he was released into the care of the ambulance men, one of them recognized who Marshall was, and joked, “Huh! Somebody didn’t read their own horoscope today!”

 

Charity and Ian had a real fight on their hands when the boys saw how empty their room was after having been cleared out. “Where are my comics?” Anthony shouted at his mother.

“They’ve been binned. You didn’t take care of them, so why should I?” Charity answered her rude son.

Albert was sitting on his bed looking rather disconsolate at the bareness of their bedroom. Charity, her mind made up and keeping to her word, and her horoscope, said, “It’s no good feeling sorry for yourself. If your things had meant so much to you, then they would have been put away after use. True or false?”

“Yes, Mummy, of course. We’ll try to be tidier in future.”

“I hope so, for your sakes. I don’t fancy having to do this very often. OK?”

“Yes, Mummy,” they both said.

 

George woke up the next day to a rainier day than the previous one. He felt a lot better but didn’t feel like going out at all. He rang up a friend and said, “Would you like to go to the theatre tonight? I have two tickets for the most popular play in town and a reservation in a restaurant later. You can have both of them. I just don’t feel up to going out, or anything much. I think a weekend in bed would be better for me.”

George’s friend said “Thanks a lot, Pal. I’ll come round before lunch to get the tickets and the reservation in the restaurant.”

“You’re very welcome. Can you bring me some fruit juice and some packets of soup, please?”

“Yes, I’ll do that now. Just rest and keep warm.”

George lay in his bed and thought about the money he had lost on the tickets. He didn’t think it was a lot, and would have to keep it a secret from Angelica and her mania for horoscopes. He switched on the electric blanket his mother had bought him for Christmas, and snuggled down for a long sleep.

 

Angelica was surprised not to have had a phone call from George. She knew he was a bit annoyed by her horoscope obsession, but she felt it helped her in her daily life. She would ring him later on, and see what he wanted to do over the weekend. She was not annoyed with George and his apparent abandonment of her, as being by herself: she would be able to do what she wanted to do, and eat what she wanted to eat, and in fact enjoy herself by herself.

 

Ivy had met George a few times, and liked the fact that he worked in the casino instead of being a client. She walked round to his flat and rang the bell for a long time. There was no answer, and then, “Hello, who is it?” George said in a grumpy voice.

“It’s me, Ivy, the perfume woman. Are you ill?”

“Yes, I’m not for seeing anyone really. As you’re here, you’d better come up.”

Ivy walked up to George’s flat and found the front door open. George was back in bed. “You’re in the best place, it’s terrible out. May I switch the tele on?”

“Yes, if you like. What are you doing, out on a morning like this?”

“Going shopping was my original idea, but now I see you’re ill, I might stay and prepare you something light to eat. Meanwhile, would you like coffee or tea?”

The news came on at that moment, “Marshall, our resident astrologer, met with an unfortunate accident last night. He had just left a casino, when he went straight into a parked lorry that didn’t have its lights switched on. A spokesman from the hospital said that Marshall will be in hospital for a few days, until he has recovered completely from the shock. He’s already received many get-well cards and letters and messages from his viewers and fans. His parents and assistant will be along to see him later today.”

George sat back against the pillows and tried to envisage Angelica’s face on hearing the news that for the next week she would have to look elsewhere for her horoscope, and his, too. Ivy slid off her chair and said, “I’m going to get you something hot to drink. Have you had any breakfast at all?”

George suddenly realized he was hungry, and said, “No, I haven’t had anything yet this morning.”

George’s friend arrived with fruit juice and packets of soup, which he handed to Ivy and then he went to see George, who was sitting up in bed to get the tickets and the reservation. “I thought your girl friend’s name was Angelica?”

“Yes. So did I, but now it seems I’ve got one called Ivy instead.”

“Be careful, George. Ivy clings.”

George smiled and said, “Ivy can do what she likes, as long as she isn’t into horoscopes.”

 

Ivy heard those words outside the bedroom door as she was taking some nourishment to George. I’d better stop taking these things so seriously, especially after what happened to Marshall.  Ivy then realized what Marshall had said in his last horoscope, that she would find a new amour and be very contented. George was already a friend, so, why not take it a step further?

 

Marshall was in a state and blamed himself first, for getting involved with Paula’s business with Sydney. He was wrapped up in bandages and was sporting lovely purplish bruises on his face. To say that Marshall was fed up, was to put it mildly. He was worried about who was going to do the horoscopes for the following week. Marshall was not too keen on seeing Paula either, and he wondered whether she had got any of the money back, or if she had any news about Sydney.

 

Paula entered Marshall’s room in the hospital with the largest bunch of flowers ever seen. It was so big she walked behind it so as to hide her face. Marshall saw the flowers advancing towards him and said, “I know it’s you, Paula. Is this your way of saying sorry?”

“I should never have told you about Sydney. It’s my fault you’re here in that state.”

“Is there any news of the one whose name shall not be mentioned?” Marshall asked, grimacing with pain.

“I went round to his address but he was unknown there. I feel such a fool. I’ve let you down, and lost a decent sum of money into the bargain.”

“Well now, Paula, you’ve been working with me for a few years and you know how it goes, so you’re in charge from now on, till I’m fit enough to help you cast the horoscopes. You’ll find some work for the next week in my computer, so just get on with it. By the way, don’t get too popular and do me out of a job.” Marshall said, trying to smile through the bandages covering part of his face.

 

Sydney was standing in a dark and dingy car park inside a block of flats. He had just handed over Paula’s money to a drug trafficker, who wanted his money - or else!