In Broad Daylight

A man who is a self-centred bore only thinks about himself gets to change his attitude to life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IN BROAD DAYLIGHT

 

Matthew got out of bed, everything around him went spinning. To avoid falling he sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. After a few minutes he felt better. It was the penultimate day of his holiday. He had breakfast but he still didn’t feel a hundred percent well, and asked in the reception of his hotel where he could be attended to by a doctor. The receptionist rang several numbers and at last she got one that was all right. “There’s a hospital not far from here where you will be seen now. The emergency service began at eight o’clock so if you go now you won’t have to wait long.” And she gave Matthew a piece of paper with the name and address of the hospital.

The taxi took five minutes to arrive. Matthew got out  thinking that probably nothing at all had happened to him and that he was making a mountain out of a molehill, so for a moment he had the idea of leaving it and going back to the hotel or go for a walk.

In the waiting-room there were three people and a nurse. She took down his details and told him to take a seat. Matthew leafed through various magazines without interest, awaiting his turn. At last he was called. The doctor invited him to sit down. Matthew told the doctor what had happened to him that morning on getting up.

After examining him the doctor told him, “I’m going to prescribe some tablets for you and I suggest that as soon as you are at home you visit your own doctor.”

“Do you think it’s something serious doctor?”

“Without carrying out any tests I can’t say. On first sight, it looks like physical exhaustion. But you never know, and that’s why I advise you to see your own doctor.”

Matthew thanked the doctor, took the prescription, said goodbye to the doctor, and left.

For the rest of his holiday, he dedicated himself to buying the typical things of the place and taking the medicine that the doctor had prescribed. Matthew thought no more about the dizziness that he had suffered.

 

Three weeks had passed after his return from his holidays when Matthew fainted again. In spite of not feeling at all well he didn’t hesitate in going to work.

As he lived alone there was nobody to look after him and he preferred to be at work than at home. He went into the head office of a chain of restaurants and bars, punctual as was his custom it was five minutes to nine. Now he was in the finance department which presided over the costs of every bar and restaurant and in this way he spent every day trying to clear up the material side of the business.

He sat down at his desk as he had done for the last fifteen years and felt his head start spinning. In spite of sitting down on a chair he had the sensation that he was going to faint. After half an hour of feeling the same, he stood up and walked over to his boss.

Lucas was in his office talking on the phone He hung up when he saw Matthew and said to him, “You look bad. Is anything wrong?”

“Yes, I’d like to go to a hospital or at least see a doctor.”

Lucas had known Matthew for many years and this was the first time he had seen him so worn out. “I think it would be a good idea if you first saw the company doctor, and see what he says. Don’t worry about this morning’s work, your health is more important.”

Matthew looked at him suspiciously, Lucas was not usually so generous with his underlings, but Lucas’s face didn’t reveal anything special. “Thanks, Lucas,

“I’ll keep you up to date as soon as the visit is over. See you soon.”

The doctor’s surgery was a block away from the company. Matthew was seen to at once, as it was so early. The doctor listened to Matthew and took a look at the tablets prescribed by the other doctor. When Matthew had finished telling him all about the fainting spells, the doctor told him, “I’m sending you to a hospital where they will give you a full check-up. My nurse is making the appointment for you.”

“Thank you. Do you think it’s something serious?”

“As I don’t know, I can’t commit myself. Anyway I see that it’s been a long time since you were here last. So go to the hospital, it’s probably nothing more than physical exhaustion.”

“Good morning, Doctor.”

“Good morning, hope all goes well.”

 

Two days later Matthew went to the hospital for a check-up. Now I feel better it seems silly to do this, but I have no alternative but to go through with it. By then he had arrived at the entrance to the hospital.

He spent all morning going from one test to another, from one machine to another, and even X-rays were ordered by the specialist. The nurse in reception told him as he was leaving that he would receive a letter for the next appointment.

Matthew was fed up and he certainly had no intention of going back, but this idea was squashed when he was told that the company would be informed if he failed to return to the hospital for the next examination.

Lucas asked how it was going and Matthew replied that all was well.

 

The second visit was a week later. Just by the look on the doctor’s face Matthew knew that something was wrong. The doctor asked him, “Not married, are you?”

“No, I’m not, Doctor. Why do you ask?”

The doctor looking him straight in the eye said, “Because at times what I’m going to say affects not only the patient but other people too; wives, children.”

“I’m alone. Don’t worry, please tell me what you have to. It’s serious, isn’t it?”

“Yes, I’m afraid it is, and it’s much worse than we had at first thought.”

“Doctor, please tell me without any preambles what it is.”

“You’ve got an abnormality in your blood, that’s why you have the fainting attacks.”

“And what exactly does that mean?”

“I regret to have to tell you that you haven’t got much longer to live. Meanwhile  we can help with a treatment that will alleviate the sensation of exhaustion.”

Matthew was confused. He was afraid that he was going to faint.

“Are you all right?” the doctor asked him.

“How do you expect me to feel with news like that.”

“Please, take notice of what I say. You have to come once a week for treatment. It will make the problem easier to bear, and you will feel better.”

“Yes, Doctor, thank you. Good morning.”

Matthew drove back home through the same streets as he had gone to the hospital. He had gone with hope, but was returning without it.

On opening the door to his flat Matthew automatically thought how many more times would he be able to do something simple like opening a door, shower, wash himself. Thinking in such a way doesn’t get you anywhere, it’s important to resist, and think coldly and logically.

First of all, why had it happened to him and second how to beat it.

Matthew sat down in an armchair and looked around him. His flat was fine but not exactly out of this world. His savings showed him to be a prudent man. But what was it he could do to show he was an individual who is living. Anybody could have got all this and even more. Well, let’s see what I’ve acquired. Many things but not much else. My job is not exactly the most exciting but why am I complaining? I have no family and my death is only going to affect me and nobody else. His first great desire was to go for a drink but instead of drowning himself in alcohol Matthew got out a notebook and pencil and made a summary about himself.

Matthew was approaching the age when the majority of women of his same age group were divorced, married or without interest for him. For some unclear reason he had never married. He had had friends even ‘very good friends’. When the last one had said farewell to him, he had asked, “Why are you going? I’ve done nothing wrong.” The woman had answered with a sharp, “But you’ve never done anything right either.”

What Matthew didn’t realise was that his personality was really boring. He had dedicated too much time to work without paying much attention to other matters.

That first night after the doctor’s declaration, Matthew was a long time putting off going to bed and chose the sofa, but at the last moment he thought that he would have to get used to going to bed in spite of the fear he felt of not waking up again. Tomorrow is the first day of a new life, he thought still not knowing what shape this new life would have.

 

Lucas was in his office when he saw Matthew arrive. He looked at the clock on his desk and saw that he was as punctual as usual. This was not the reason that Lucas was so interested in Matthew. It was his elegance. Matthew had stopped wearing insipid colours and dressed in more fashionable clothes. “He must be in love,” Lucas had commented to his wife Rosalind.

“Who?” she had asked.

“Matthew,” he replied.

Rosalind knew Matthew. They had coincided at company dinners. She didn’t have much of an opinion of Matthew, only that she found him a bit boring and without imagination. She didn’t pay attention to what Lucas was saying simply because the subject didn’t interest her, but in order to satisfy and make him shut up, she said, “It’s about time, isn’t it?”

Lucas knowing that the subject had run out of steam, said, “Yes, of course.”

 

Matthew had opened his wardrobe and thought, I wonder if I’ll have time to wear all of this. Well, if not it’ll go to Oxfam. The idea didn’t please him too much. Since he had made the decision to take advantage of going where he had never set foot before, Matthew was another person. His new appearance had given him more self assurance and let him be what he wanted to be.

On the day following the doctor’s catastrophic declaration, Matthew had made the decision to do what he hadn’t done before. Why should he be careful when in a short time he would no longer be in the world to enjoy his savings? The fashionable clothes replaced the old practical and hardwearing ones.

The pleasure that Matthew felt buying a whole new set of clothes was something unknown to him. Why hadn’t he done it before, he thought while trying on shirts, sweaters, and suits. He didn’t skimp on expense and bought belts, shoes and even socks to go with the rest. Matthew, home with his purchases, tried them on. He looked at himself in the mirror and satisfied with what he saw, left his flat and went to a male beauty salon. At least I’ve still got a good head of hair, he thought.

 

Matthew raised his head and was surprised at Rosalind’s presence in his office. He looked at her in disdain. The boss’s wife. She had always made him feel useless. “Good morning, I’m sorry but your husband isn’t in at the moment.”

Rosalind responded, “It doesn’t matter.” She began to walk round the office touching everything and putting off her departure. Matthew went on working.

“Like to treat me to something?” It was more like an order than a question.

Matthew said that he couldn’t and tried to take no notice of her. Rosalind stood staring through the window, what Mathew didn’t know was that she was looking at his reflection in the glass.

Lucas’s secretary opened the door, “Madam, your husband has arrived.”

Rosalind left Matthew’s office and said to her husband, “Hello, darling, take me to lunch?”

Lucas sent his wife the look of a man who has many years of marriage behind him. “I’m sorry, I can’t leave the office.”

Rosalind didn’t seem at all perturbed by Lucas’s reply. She had another idea. Returning to Matthew’s office and putting on her smile of ‘dare if you can’ said, “Like to come out with me?”

Matthew didn’t answer, but Rosalind went on, “Lucas can’t have lunch with me and I don’t want to be alone. What do you think?”

The sudden intimacy with which Rosalind had spoken to him was the green light for the next step for Matthew in his new life. His reply was the correct one, “I think it’s fine.” In his new situation Matthew made no effort to make excuses. His attitude was more of an ‘all, or nothing at all’.

Rosalind told Lucas she was going to have lunch with Matthew, and her husband felt grateful to Matthew for the gesture.

Rosalind had an ulterior motive for wanting this date with Matthew. He had always seemed quiet and discreet to her she had even imagined he led a double life. Now with his new and refreshing appearance Rosalind’s curiosity was awoken. If he had a woman Rosalind wanted to know who she was and how he had met her.

Matthew returned her gaze. “You are very pretty today.” If she wanted to play, he had no trouble in playing the same game. He now had nothing to lose.

“Thank you,” she said.

Matthew observed her for a moment and then, “I think you are one of the prettiest women I’ve ever met.”

Rosalind was grateful and at the same time surprised. Words like these coming from a man who was the model of rectitude, excited her. This Matthew was unknown. This quiet man had something more deep down inside him. “How enigmatic you are. I would never have thought you were so passionate.”

Matthew remained silent.

Rosalind hardly ate lunch and didn’t stop thinking about this unexplored Matthew.

Leaving the restaurant Rosalind turned to Matthew, “Thank you for the lunch.”

“That’s all right. You expected it, didn’t you?”

Rosalind didn’t even blink, “How did you know?”

“Because you are a woman used to having all the men at your feet. Well, now you know what I’m like, may I go back to my work?”

“What are you talking about? I know nothing about you.”

“No. Because I’ve told you nothing. What is it you want to know? I’m not married, I haven’t got a girl friend, and no secret children either. Satisfied?”

Rosalind wasn’t sure what to say to him, but Matthew solved the situation, “Here’s a taxi. Catching it?”

“Yes, thank you. Goodbye, Matthew.”

“Goodbye, Rosalind.”

Matthew saw Rosalind’s face through the taxi window, she wasn’t so sure of herself now, and he felt better because of it.

 

What nobody knew was that Matthew had fancied Rosalind for ages. She had ignored him till now and he was going to take advantage of the situation. He knew that if he waited long enough she would ring, but above all he wanted to give her a surprise. A couple of afternoons after the lunch date he rang her. “I’d like to speak to Mrs Adams. Please tell her that I’m a friend of her husband,” he said to the maid who answered the phone.

“Hello, Mrs Adams speaking. Who is it?”

“Hello, Rosalind. It’s me, Matthew.”

An unwanted sigh came out of Rosalind. “How are you Matthew? Something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong. Shall we go for a walk?”

“Don’t you have to work?”

“Today I’ve got some free time.” Matthew didn’t want anyone to know anything about his visit to the doctor and the treatment, therefore he lied to Rosalind. He was more determined than ever to conquer her. They arranged to meet outside the post office.

“The countryside?” suggested Matthew.

“Isn’t it a bit late to go so far?”

“What’s the matter, are you in a hurry, or afraid?”

“Neither of the two.”

“Then?”

Matthew drove in silence for a while. When the city was left behind them and the open countryside was before them, Rosalind asked him, “Do you do this often?”

“Only when I need to breathe clean air.”

“What are your plans for the summer, Matthew?”

Matthew stopped the car and turned towards her with a look of desperation and sadness. When he realised he was not alone he smiled, “I haven’t any plans yet. Let’s think about other things, this moment for example.”

Rosalind felt attracted to him by the intensity of his voice and his mysterious, tragic air. Matthew sitting beside her suddenly assumed a romantic personality in Rosalind’s eyes. The lonely womanless man, was all of a sudden somewhat interesting for her. Hesitantly, Rosalind touched one of his hands. “Matthew, tell me, what is the matter with you?”

In one fluid movement Matthew embraced her passionately. He was on the road to death and she was the woman he wanted to possess.

After possessing her Matthew felt his head was cleared. Rosalind on the other hand was unsettled by the unbridled passion of a man she had always classified as frigid.

Arriving back at the city Matthew asked Rosalind as if nothing had happened , where she wanted him to drop her off. She said, “The post office.”

Rosalind looked at him out of the corner of her eye. What did she know about him? Nothing at all, and she felt a void open up inside her. Putting a smile on her lips that didn’t reach her heart, Rosalind thanked him.

“That’s all right. There’s a taxi over there. If you run you may catch it.”

Rosalind wanted to ask him when he would call her again. But everything happened so fast she found herself in a taxi giving her address to the driver.

 

For several days Matthew himself didn’t answer the office phone and at home he had it off the hook. When there was no probability of running into Rosalind and she had desisted from calling him, Matthew renewed his normal life. Meanwhile, he had seen an attractive blond with a sad but sweet look. He usually saw her in the park near his flat. She was always alone. What he didn’t know was whether or not she was aware of his existence.

Mara went to the park nearly every day. At first because she wanted to avoid being at home more than was necessary. Her husband had been killed in an accident, and now she was alone. She had seen Matthew several times but she had no intention of falling in love again.

One Saturday at midday, Mara was sitting on a bench watching the ducks on the lake. Matthew sat beside her. Mara saw a piece of bread in the hand he held out to her. It was when she raised her head and saw Matthew close up for the first time. He asked her, “Good morning. May I speak to you?”

“I suppose so.” She replied.

“Every time I come here for a walk I see you, and you’re all alone.”

Mara got up to leave when Matthew stopped her.

“I’m Matthew Rippon, and I live in that building behind the trees.”

Mara walked away from him.

 

Matthew didn’t give up and watched the park just in case he saw her. At last his patience was rewarded. One Sunday, when Mara thought that the cheeky one had forgotten her, Matthew approached her. “Good morning. I’ve been trying to find you but without success till today.”

Mara wasn’t sure how to react. “I’m Mara but you probably knew that already, didn’t you?”

“Thank you for telling me, but no, I didn’t know.”

“Why have you been looking for me so much?”

“It’s just that I longed to know you.”

Mara didn’t believe him. She saw a face with sad eyes and a certain strange air and asked him, “When did you decide to know me?”

“A few weeks ago. I saw you come in here when I was going home, after doing my shopping at the supermarket.”

“Are you single?”

“Yes, and fancy free. And you?”

“I’m a widow.”

Matthew didn’t respond and the two remained in silence for a long time. Mara stood up. “I have to go. Good bye.”

“Good morning. Shall we meet again?”

“I don’t know.”

 

Rosalind was in Matthew’s office. He took no notice of her. She wasn’t going to leave him in peace. “Hello, Matthew. Long time, no see.”

Matthew opened his diary and dialled a number. “I’m very busy. I hope all is well with you.”

Rosalind was put out. “You’d like to throw me out of here, wouldn’t you?”

“It’s not that. I’ve got work to do. Can’t you see?”

“Yes, I see very well,” and Rosalind got up and left.

“I don’t want you to come back here.”

“You are perfectly shameless,” and with these words Rosalind left Matthew’s office.

It was the first time he had been called ‘shameless’ by anyone. Matthew laughed to himself ironically. He wanted to shout at Rosalind that she was right but he resisted. The following day he had to see the doctor and with his head full of this thought there was no place for explanations or useless apologies.

 

The days he visited always left Matthew feeling a bit depressed even though they made him feel a little better. The day after the visit to the doctor, Lucas called him to his office.

“Good morning, Matthew.”

“Good morning, Lucas.

“Please, sit down. There’s a congress in New York next week. I’m unable to go but as you know what the subject is all about, if you like you can go instead of me. I’ll ask one of the others if you’re not keen.”

Matthew didn’t think twice. “Of course I’ll go, and very willingly. Why can’t you go, Lucas?”

“Rosalind isn’t feeling well.”

“I hope it’s nothing serious,” replied Matthew.

“I don’t think so. You know what women are like.” Lucas was occupied with other things and felt relieved  knowing  that he didn’t have to go to New York.  “As soon as I’ve got the papers you need to take with you I’ll ring you to put you up to date with everything to do with the congress. You’ve got eight days to get everything in order at home and here at the office.”

“Thank you. With eight days I’ve got enough time to tidy up any loose ends.” Matthew left Lucas’s office feeling happy.

 

Two days later Matthew spoke to his doctor about his next trip. “Do you think I am fit enough to attend a congress. I don’t want to attract attention by fainting.”

The doctor stared at him frankly, “How long do you have to be away?”

“Five days altogether.”

“Good. It seems to me that as you haven’t fainted again and you are not as tired as you used to be, I don’t see any reason for you not to go. Anyway I’m going to give you the address of a doctor over there just in case. Don’t hesitate to call him if it’s necessary. I’ll ring him as a warning. As soon as you’re back I want to see you here. Have a good trip.”

Matthew held out a hand. “Thank you, doctor. I’ll see you on my return.” 

Matthew couldn’t believe his luck or was it just life was compensating him for what was going to happen. Matthew’s life had had many changes since that day in the clinic the doctor had told him that he was sentenced to a near death. It’s true, thought Matthew, you can’t have everything, at least not all at the same time. There’s a price to be paid one way or another.

 

Before leaving he went through the park to see Mara but she wasn’t there, a resigned Matthew went home to pack his case. On the eve of the trip Lucas gave him all the information that he would need, besides a list of men’s names and details of the competition abroad.

In the airport lounge, Matthew was sitting in an armchair drinking a beer. He listened without paying much attention to the people. Everybody was talking. The loudspeaker was not very clear. It was much easier to look at a screen to find out about the flights. Through the enormous glass windows the coming and going of planes and passengers could be seen.

 

Matthew felt that someone had sat down beside him. The order to fasten seatbelts came straight away and Matthew had no time to look at his flight companion till they were in the air. Sitting beside him was an extremely made-up woman. Matthew thought she had to be about twenty-seven years old. He asked her, “Excuse me, would you like to sit beside the window?”

Matthew saw that she showed no signs of being annoyed or offended by his having spoken to her. “I don’t mind being here.”

Matthew wanted to continue the conversation, “Why are you travelling to New York?”

The woman looked up from a magazine that she had just taken from the rack on the seat in front of her. “I’m going on personal business,” seeing the expression on Matthew’s face added, “I’m a dancer in a theatre. Don’t stare at me like that. It’s true.”

Matthew felt excited on hearing this. Rather more interesting than a secretary, he thought. At least she must be a different type of woman from the usual. Pushed by curiosity he began to ask her a lot of questions. “What’s your name?”

“My name’s Violet, and you?”

“Matthew.”

“Matthew, why are you going to New York?”

Matthew was under the impression that she was laughing at him, although her face was serious. He told her all about the congress but nothing about his illness. “While I’m there maybe I’ll go and see you perform.”

“Well, here’s my card.” Violet wrote down a phone number and the name of the theatre, she gave it to Matthew who looked at it for a few seconds and put it in his wallet.

“Thank you. I hope to see you again over there.”

What with the conversation and the food, the flight went by fast.

In the airport they said, “See you soon,” and each one went about their own business.

 

The hotel where Matthew had a room reserved was in Manhattan. There were publicity posters everywhere announcing the congress. Settled into his room he showered and went to bed. He was under the effect of an enormous tiredness. It was daytime when he eventually woke up. He rang room service for his breakfast. While he was having breakfast he leafed through the programme and the timetable of the congress. It appeared that there wasn’t much free time between the programme and the list of people he had to talk to. Perhaps he would be able to see Violet in a free moment in two days’ time.

It wasn’t difficult to discover who was attending the congress. Each one wore a plastic badge with their name and the name of the company they worked for.  This was supposed to make recognition easier. In spite of having a lot of things to do Matthew was rather bored.

Violet answered at the third ring. He wanted to see her. Where? In a café near the hotel. She arrived wearing a grey suit with violets on a lapel. Matthew thought it was because of her name she had chosen those flowers. They sat down at a table which gave onto the street and had cocktails. Violet invited him to that night’s show. Matthew apologised for not being very lively but the congress was very tiring.

“It doesn’t matter,” said Violet, “the show will relax you. Here’s the ticket. I’ve got to run. See you later.”

“Thank you. See you later.”

Perhaps the fact that he was bored put Matthew in a dismal mood. That night he was in a foul humour with no urge to do anything. A comedian told jokes that were in bad taste, a female singer sang popular songs, and there were a couple of sketches.

At last Violet and her companions appeared. The dancers accompanied a singer. They were all dressed in pink, the stage decoration was done in the same shade. It was very pretty. When the number was over Matthew went outside for fresh air.

Violet found him standing on the pavement outside the theatre and she took him to her appartment.

 

Matthew woke up in a darkened room. Violet was sitting in an armchair smoking a cigarette. “You must go now,” said Violet without moving her head.

Matthew rubbed his eyes and stared at her with the look that accompanied the beginning of disgust. He dressed quickly. “Violet, I’ll be off now.”

“Of course. You can’t stay here.”

“I don’t understand you.”

“There’s nothing to understand. The game’s up.”

“If you don’t like me. Why did you take me?”

“I saw that you didn’t know anyone here. And well, why not? What does it matter?”

Matthew replied, “Good night and goodbye, Violet.”

“Good bye, and now go. It’s already late.”

It was nearly dawn when Matthew returned to the hotel. The experience with Violet made him think coldly that one shouldn’t speak to strange women. His masculinity was offended, after showering and lying down he thought it was only something passing.

 

On the return journey he chose very carefully where he sat in the plane and who he spoke to.

 

Matthew was in the clinic. He had arrived home from the congress two days before. The doctor was looking at the latest analysis.

“It appears that we have got something unusual here. The indications show that you are cured.”

Matthew couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “But, how is it possible? You yourself told me that I had a short time to live.”

“Yes, I know. At times for unknown reasons one patient will be cured and another dies. I’d like you to come back in two weeks for another check up.”

“Should I continue with the medicine?”

“It wouldn’t be a bad thing to continue with it for a while.”

“I can’t believe it. It’s incredible.”

“Not so incredible. Every day it’s more frequent that a patient is cured. There are new medications and treatments constantly appearing.”

“I can only give you my thanks and my deepest gratitude.” Matthew shook the doctor’s hand.

“It’s my work and it makes me very happy when someone is cured, such as in your case. In spite of being better you shouldn’t  let yourself get too tired. You must try and take things in a more relaxed manner.”

“Yes, I will. Good morning.”

“Good morning and don’t forget to come back in two weeks’ time.”

“Of course not.”

 

Matthew went back to the office finding it difficult to believe his good luck. There was only one cloud in the sky. Mara.

The park was full of people. It was Sunday. Matthew had gone out in search of Mara.

The first days after receiving the news of his cure, he had thought a lot about life and about his own life. If he hadn’t been ill, he would never have come out of his shell. The illness had opened his eyes to things that had not previously formed part of his life: a grey, monotonous life just like one of the machines in the office. This had been the old Matthew.

The episode with Rosalind was a way of giving her back some of the treatment he had received from her for many years. In that case Matthew had no regrets, he had paid Rosalind back in her same coin. If he hadn’t treated her with coldness that time, she would have done so to him.

As regards Violet. Something passing, nothing of any importance. Matthew had been one among many. Violet had acted just as he would have liked to act but Violet had beaten him to it.

Matthew didn’t understand why he was so interested in Mara. Maybe because she wasn’t easy prey.

For the second time he made a summary of his life from the beginning of his illness to the present. Go back, impossible. Alternate with Rosalinds and Violets? That wasn’t a good idea. Then what? Mara had a melancholic air due to her widowhood, thought Matthew. He then realized that his life had always revolved around himself, without thinking of anyone else. There was still time to do something good and nice. Instead of looking for a solution inside himself, Matthew gave it a name, Mara.

And so Matthew went in search of Mara as if she were the clue to his life. He hadn’t seen her since before the congress. Now feeling that he had been presented with a second opportunity in life he launched himself in the direction of the park. He didn’t give a thought that Mara might have met another man; he was so egocentric that he thought the widow would be there waiting for him.

He walked all round the park. He even fed the ducks. There was no sign of Mara. When it was lunch time he went home. It didn’t matter, he thought, sooner or later, we’ll meet again.

 

A few days later, when he still hadn’t been able to see Mara, Matthew noticed that one of his new pairs of shoes, that he had thought he wouldn’t use too much, was looking rather worn out. He had no option but to go to the shoe repairer’s to get them seen to. Had so much time passed? He was thinking how well he felt and how many things had happened to him. It seems rather silly to feel happy because my shoes need repairing. But it means that I’m still alive. These shoes have been worn out by me.

On Saturday morning he did his shopping and then went to the shoe repairer’s. He felt a strange kind of contentment

“Good day, Sir. How can I help you?” asked the repairer.

“Good morning, The soles, please.”

“Rubber or leather?”

“Rubber, please.”

“Do you want them now or are you going to leave them?”

“I’ll wait, if that’s all right with you?”

“Very well. Take a seat meanwhile.”

The young man had Matthew’s shoes in his hand. The sound of something falling made him turn his head. He peered over the counter. Matthew was stretched out on the floor face down, his head to one side.

 

The young man called the police and said, “A customer has just dropped dead in my shop in broad daylight.”