Letter part 2

11-8-12 I miss you so and I'm so sorry. I'm not entirely sure if that Spanish is accurate, I just hope so.

Now that you read part one, I want you to know of the pain within. I’m trying not to hold it there, because I know it isn’t fair. But I can’t help but feel hurt that you listened to everyone else but me. I know by that time it was probably too late, but we could have worked through it. I hurt so much because I cause you so much pain that you didn’t even want to try. I can’t bear thinking of all the pain I must have caused to make you want to give up. That precious angel who swore she would fight with me. I hurt because of Karl, the one whom you always text. I feel like he is pulling you away from me and to himself, and worse yet I feel that’s where you want to be.  That’s why I fought so hard for your phone, when I knew you were texting him. I couldn’t bear thinking about the things he was saying to pull you away from me. I hurt because rather than proving them wrong I proved them right, because instead of praying and seeking the Lord, I rushed right in. I didn’t honor your wishes. I want you to know that I felt like you were only listening to the bad. My only intent was to show you how much I cared. But that backfired and pushed you farther away. It hurts me to know that I scared you so, you my precious angel, the one whom I love. I never meant to hurt you, I didn’t want to cause you pain. It hurts me to know you cling to them so, when they speak so ill of me. It hurts me more to know you never really stuck up for me. I wished you would have met with me and someone who cares for the both of us to work things out. Someone’s whose only wish is to see us grow. But instead you met without me and they tore you from me. I couldn’t defend myself for I wasn’t there. I wish you would have, but I suppose it’s hard, for I wasn’t always the best to you, for which I apologize. It hurts me that you ran so far. You blocked me from everything. You talked to the cops. You are fighting so much to keep me away rather than to fight through the pain. It hurts. It hurts me to not know what is going on in your life. Every day is another day I am out of the loop. Every day is another day I am not able to share in your life. It hurts. I wish I could be there, hearing about your life. It hurts that I cant be close to you. It hurts that no matter what I cannot do anything for fear of losing you further, or something else happening entirely. A year and four months and you are running so fast and so far away. A year and four months and I cant even see you. You wont eve talk to me. It hurts that I obviously must not have done enough good that it would convince you to stay. I must have hurt you that bad, and I am so sorry. It hurts that after a year and four months, you believe everything they tell you about me. You believe that after being with me for a year and four months that I manipulate you. I have always been blunt. I am a very blunt person, I say what is on my mind. I don't say things to sway what you are thinking, I always asked you what you were thinking. I always wanted to know. You didn't always tell me, which hurt, cause I sometimes assumed it wasn't good. I tried so hard to just trust you tho, trust that no matter what was going on inside your head that things would work out. Trust that you loved me. I asked/ask for that trust in return and it hurts to see that you seem to be unwilling. It hurts that it seems to be no matter what that things are over. It hurts not to be able to be by you. I just wish I could hold you and we could tell each other everything will be alright. This past, the pain, it's over, we have overcome and are moving forward. It hurts. It hurts me so much that I hurt you so much that it ended like this. I am so sorry. I want to keep this short, for my love for you outweighs the pain. Just know I am not mad at you and I still love you so.  I just pray that somehow it will be alright. Oh, mi amor, perdóname. Desearia un dia encontrar gracia ante tus ojos.