I Only To The Stars

I only to the stars would fly above
If I could take you too, my love.
For sailing God's celestial sea
Means not as much as you to me.
I only to the stars and moons display
Would I transport myself away,
And only would I go beyond
The confines of this Earthly bond,
If you would simply give consent
To join me in that sweet ascent
To paradise on heaven's shores
Where I can be forever yours.

Reviews

[danielle.]

I enjoyed this, it is hopelessly romantic but not cheesy. Lovely use of rhymes. I’d be happy to receive a love letter like this!

[emipoemi]

This is so romantically written, and disperses that emotion and feeling to the readers so they can feel it to. Your rhymes aren't forced, which is good, and your narrative is short and sweet. I would suggest the one aspect of dispensing with the two usages of "only" throughout the poem. It may be a powerful word to convey meaning, but in their cases in the poem, they only mar the musicality, and that's not something you as a poet would want to do (especially since the poem is so goo to begin with). Well freaking done!

"I to the stars and moon display" is missing a "would" ......."I'd to the stars and moon display" perhaps?