Something

Something

A Poem by Yina
"

Something is after me.... what could it be??

"

I tried to pick up my speed as I heard it coming,

coming, faster an faster!!

 What will I do if it gets me?

Whatever it is

 I don't even know what it is!

 It's following me everywhere!

It's driving me almost mad.

I turn to look

maybe this time I'll get at least a glimce of it

Yet as I'm looking back

 There's nothing there

How do I get away from something I can't even see?

While turning to look

I stumble over some seaweed

"What's seaweed doing here??"

Tripping to stay on my feet

Not ready to give in to whatever is after me

I scream over my shoudler,

 "Just leave me alone already!!"

Suddenly I trip over the totally-out-of-place seaweed

Falling flat an my face!

Maybe if I lay totally still

whatever it is will think I'm already dead

An just leave me be

I thought hopefully.

 Something just grabbed my back!!

'So this is what you feel like just before you get killed'

These were my last thoughts before...

I jerked awake from my awful nightmare

© 2011 Yina


Author's Note

Yina
Not exactly how I imagined the ending but I just wrote whatever came to mind an my mind feels kinda screwed right now so hope it's not to bad:/ Give me your honest opinion tho, good or bad. An also let me know what you imagine this creepy something to be:)

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Reviews

For the simple-minded, I could see where they would find it a bit humorous. For those who can take poetry seriously and like reading into things like symbolism and metaphors, this is fantastic. :) Really nice job here!

Posted 12 Years Ago


Envy and jealously is what it sounds like to me! What a terrible nightmare this must have been, I certainly hope for your ssake that it does not speak of the future! I like the pacing of it, the flow works for me, but I found myself stumbleing at the very end, my mind got hun up on the wrap up!

Posted 12 Years Ago


Hahah I LOVE THIS!!

"I don't even know what it is!"

that line made me laugh so hard! than you threw seaweed in there, perfect!
I am sorry this had to be a nightmare but if you ever need to cheer someone up have them read this :)
all in all, you did capture the emotion very well. Then was good as well it got me thinking... haha thinking about my own dreams :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


you really have a problem with seaweed don't you? LOL
I can feel the emotions tugging in this.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Damn that seaweed!!!

Posted 13 Years Ago


0 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Very mysterious and you can feel the paranoia within the words. Good write.

Posted 13 Years Ago


I love this poem and I can't guess what ot would be! Its your dream and your vision! What do you guess it to be?

Posted 13 Years Ago


Haha okay I was not expecting that to be the ending! Good job, nice twist at the end.

Posted 13 Years Ago


Every new line of a poem starts with a capital letter. "my speed as I heard it coming, coming, faster an faster!!" I would omit that last comma, that way it reads faster. "I turn to look(;) m(M)aybe this time I'll get at least a glimce of it(.)" "Yet as I'm looking back(,) There's nothing there(.)" "While turning to look(,) I stumble over some seaweed(.)" "Tripping to stay on my feet(,) Not ready to give in to whatever is after me(,)I scream over my shoudler(shoulder), "Just leave me alone already!!""

It's a good poem. :-)

Posted 13 Years Ago


0 of 2 people found this review constructive.

very nice! such a truly dreamlike description!

Posted 13 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 23, 2011
Last Updated on May 2, 2011

Author

Yina
Yina

Canada



About
Howdy:) I'm a 18-year-old girl that... well lets just say, I looked thru some writings posted here at writerscafe an even tho I've never writin any poems or stories or anything, it looks like fun an I.. more..

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