ADOPT ONE TODAY!

An advertisement removed from the story "Adopt One Today!" I liked it and have no idea what to do with it, so I'll share it! :3 Might post the story itself up one day.

Are you sick of uppity minions that will stab you in your back the moment it faces them? Are you growing trigger happy with the number of lazy minions cluttered around your lair? Are you fed up with minions that question your orders the second you give them?

We here at Gene Garden Laboratories would like to give you the chance to kiss those sorry excuses for employees goodbye with our special top of the line ADOPTABLE MINIONS.

OUR HISTORY

We here at G^2 Labs have been creating genetic upgrades for human beings since 2300 when we created a solution for unwanted hairgrowth. Ever since our revolutionary research was restricted by our Government, we have been catering to the villains who have so generously kept our more extensive research going strong with their funding.

HOW IT WORKS

As our way of giving back to the community, we have used our amazing g-script to program augmented humans, or Augmen as we so fondly name them, to create humans with genetically superior structure that can be utilised by the average villain.

Basically, we ask you for your specifications and we create a child version of your minion for you. Now, you may be shaking your heads, BUT we do this to simulate the bond the child would have with a natural parent, so they will be naturally loyal to YOU, and YOU ONLY.
The child is designed to age at an accelerated rate to a designated age (which you get to choose) so you can go straight to using its natural talents to conquer your enemies and even the world! (Don't forget to put in a good word for your friends at the Gene Garden Labs, though)

AND IF THEY SHOW SIGNS OF REBELLION? DON'T FRET!
Every Augmen Minion has a special kill code specific to them that we will entrust to you to do with what you please.
CONTACT US TODAY WITH YOUR COMMISSION!