The Goldfish Morgue

Poem from the book The Purgatory Elm, www.TuckfordBunnyPress.com

The Goldfish Morgue

 

 

Here at the Goldfish Morgue, we take true pains

to process your dead fish in a way that's dignified

whether Death is by misfortune or by homicide

or if your fish blew out his little brains

 

with special consideration gladly given

to the fat and dumb and mentally ill,

the sad, the rakish, the daffodil

and the goldfish of our veterans.

 

We're not just a Goldfish Morgue, of course,

we're a full-service partner who grieves

with rites, music and mourners for the bereaved

who share the total loss and remorse.

 

Economical plans start at $49.95

where we put him in a bag & throw him in the garbage

but if you upgrade to the Fanfare Package

your goldfish will be regally memorialized.

 

Also, for a small Attachment fee,

we'll strangle up to six people, including your wife,

so your fish will have servants in that afterlife

as a goldfish-headed Egyptian deity.

 

Everyone in life has loved and lost

and even for a bug-eyed little tearjerker

we assign a dedicated caseworker

to give perspective and assist with costs.

 

Perhaps your goldfish liked to go on rides

or was more a contemplative scholar,

perhaps he liked to f**k around and holler

or instead he kept it all inside,

 

we'll tailor your bereavement then to fit,

perhaps something elegant and tasteful

or something so extravagantly wasteful

The Coroner will have to clean up after it.

 

We know everyone dies quite like a goldfish

just as big as a puff of snow,

as grand as a little gold can go,

as important as a secret wish,

 

which is why the Goldfish Morgue is your friend

in the business regretfully

for no one is as small and loving as me

when all the world is coming to an end.