Bad English blues

Just a joke )))

Just around midnight
My baby told me
My baby told me
Looking like she’s gonna go.
“ Stop singing this way,
 please, stop singing this way!
Your dreadful eastern accent
 Mmmmm…..     Annoys me so!
2
I’m not from New-york "city-
 have never seen “the Cats”.
I know it’s really pity
To miss those  Broadway pets…
And just around midnight
She left… She couldn’t stand
My foolish eastern accent …
 might be my own brand! 
3
 Once you see me there
Singing with the band
And nobody will care
If I can sing like that.
Just around midnight
You’d like to dance " OK!
My special jazzy accent "
Mmm -" that’s what you say!

Reviews

[Martin See]

It resonates with me because I live in Australia but have a different accent from the Aussies. I'm rather eloquent and articulate yet some Aussie don't understand me because they have a limited vocabulary and also because of my accent! haha. Really enjoyed reading your light and fun poem, it's quite funny too! It certainly put me in a good mood! Thanks for sharing your work.

[HelenZ]

Thank you very much for reading and nice to meet you!!! ))

[Martin See]

You're welcome! :)

[Misterr Remeat]

I can even hear the band!

[HelenZ]

)) thanks! It really played!)

[emipoemi]

You have a really great set up with this poem, which has substantial potential! Where is falls flat is in musicality. I'm not sure whether this was meant to be a song in the first place (if it was, it would be better to hear the music with the lyrics, for the music makes the song breathe), but if it's meant to be a poem, some major musicality tweaks need to be made before this can be called a gem. Maybe even fiddle around with full rhymes, for you seem to set yourself up with them more. Also, the musical is simply called "Cats". Hope I'm not appearing too harsh - not my intention. Just want to point out places where, if fixed would amp up the power of the poem tenfold and you will see how much of a gem it will become. Overall well done!

[HelenZ]

Thank you very much for your review! I know about "Cats", but I needed this "the" for rythm. And it 's really a song and was written for one my friend- a musician who performed it many times in his concerts. As English is not my native language I would be happy to learn how I can improve my writing. And I really appreciate every single word you wrote to me. Thank you very much .

[emipoemi]

it's just in musicality/rhythm where you fall flat. I don't see any grammatical errors (apart from the fact that you're missing an "a' in Stanza 2 - "I know it's really A pity"). But the thing is, you know how write. I can see potential in your writing - you know what you're doing. You just need help flowing it better. And that's not necessarily something I can help with. It's something you have to feel.

[thetish]

Welcome, my dear! I am so happy to have a chance to read more of your work =)!

[HelenZ]

Yes, I am here )). Thank you , Thetish!!))