Dysphoria

A young teen sits with her psychologist to face the biggest challenge of her life-her mother.

Sarah’s fingers fidget nervously as her hands rest within her lap, her eyes staring down while she waits. An audible buzz sounds from Sarah’s pocket, her hand digging the phone out and activating the screen. Across the floral wallpaper, a text flashes with a header that reads ‘Mom.’ Swiping over the text, Sarah unlocks her phone to see the full message.

            Sorry David, just arrived, choir practice ran a little late. Sarah rolls her eyes before exiting out of the text and pressing the power button. The black screen reveals a near transparent reflection of Sarah, causing her to pause.

            In the phone, dark blue eyes hide behind thick, black-rimmed glasses. Long, curly brown hair flow over her shoulders, a clip-on flower resting on the right side of her head. Light red lipstick expresses Sarah’s soft lips, along with some eye shadow and blush, giving her face a round, feminine look. Sighing, Sarah stuffs her phone back in her pocket before looking up at the woman that sits across from her, the gray suit contrasting against the white chair she sits in.
            “Ready?” the woman asks before Sarah nods softly, taking a deep breath.

             “I don’t think I can do this, Ashley,” Sarah replies, her hands moving to the sides and grasping the edge of the white sofa she sits on.

            Raising a clipboard into her lap, Ashley shakes her head. “Sarah,” she begins as she pulls her long, blonde hair back behind her. “The only way to do this is by talking with your mother. Not only will this be a good time to sway your mother, but you two can work out issues you have had these last few months.” Sarah shivers on the spot, a brief memory of her mother yelling at him, calling her a disappointment.

            Tugging her hair back, Ashley wraps a hairband around the formed ponytail thrice before her hands return and pick up the clipboard once more. Both Sarah and Ashley turn their heads as a firm knock rasps upon the office door, a friendly smile forming on Ashley’s face as she got up.

            Approaching the door, she turns the knob and pulls. In the doorway, an older woman wearing a long, conservative dress with floral patterns adorning the skirting stands, a large purse hanging from her shoulder. Her dark brown hair is tied back into a bun, helping in the expression of the angular features of her face.

            “Mrs. Harris, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for taking the time to come out today,” Ashley greets as she steps out of the way, allowing the woman to enter the room.

             “Please, call me Mallory,” the woman answers. Mallory looks around the small office before down to Sarah, brief anger flashing across her face. “David!” she exclaims as she opens her purse. “How many times have I told you not to leave the house like that?” Mallory grabs a small wipe from the opened purse and leans down towards Sarah to wipe at her face. Sarah yelps as she suddenly smacks Mallory’s hand away, the memory of her mother smacking her with a wooden spoon flashing before her eyes.

             “Mom, stop!” Sarah yells, scooting back from her mother.

            “Mallory,” Ashley says in a calm tone as she gently pulls on Mallory’s shoulder. She steps back as Mallory’s head whips around, her jaw tense.

             “No, I will not let my son walk around as a little girl,” Mallory says, her tone stern.

             “Mrs. Harris, both Sarah and I asked you here to talk about this. Please allow us to talk and settle this in a civil manner,” Ashley says in a neutral, monotonous voice, losing the warm edge she had greeted Mallory with.

             “Jesus save me,” the older woman sighs as she sits next to Sarah, who scoots further away from her mother.

            “Now,” Ashley begins as she returns to her chair, crossing her leg over her knee as she looks at the two women. “As you know, Sarah chooses not to identify as David, or being male, but as Sarah and a female. She has told me of instances that lead to fights.” Mallory glances over at Sarah before her gaze returns to Ashley

             “Of course,” she speaks. “Miss Ashley, this is merely a phase. David likes to dress up and put make-up on, which is okay,” she says hesitantly. “But no, David is not ‘Sarah.’ God gave him testicles so that one day he can bring home a girl and give me grandchildren, plain and simple. He’s normal.”

            Sarah turns her head, gripping the edge of the couch once more. “Mom, I told you to call me Sa-“ Sarah stops as Mallory whips her head around.

             “David, I swear to God, I will whip you in front of this young lady, right here and right now!” she yells, interrupting Sarah.

             “That’s enough!” Ashley yells suddenly before sighing. “Mallory, you need to listen and talk to your daughter. If anything, she needs you more than ever now,” she says as Mallory huffs.

             “He needs to trust in the Lord if anything,” she says before shaking her head. “But why am I here, Ashley? To be told I’m a bad mother? I doubt you’re even a God-fearing woman,” she chides.

            “M-mom, I want hormones,” Sarah speaks up, looking at Mallory. “I’ve been working at the carwash for a while and saved up enough for some, but I can’t get them without your consent…Please, I-“ Sarah stops short as Mallory holds up her hand.

             “Out of the question, David. The last thing I need the congregation to talk about is how I’m raising a little f****t!”

            “Is that all you care about?! What the f*****g church thinks of you?!” Sarah yells, standing up, feeling her face heat up.

             “It’s not what they think, it’s what the Lord will judge when you and I go to heaven one day! And he sure as hell doesn’t want a little boy that just wants to act like a girl and suck dicks all day!” Mallory retorts.

Sarah’s hands clench into tight balls at her sides, every fiber of her body feeling on fire. “F**k you!” Sarah screams before rushing past her mother, sending the older woman onto the couch from the impact against her shoulder.

“Sarah, wait!” Ashley’s voice rings out, sounding concerned. Sarah chooses to drown it out, fighting back tears as she charges down the hallway, sunlight drowning out her vision as she bursts through the exit door of the building.