Darkness

its just a random piece of writing , something that popped in my head , n reflects what i actually am going through, and so just wrote my heart out

In the night that covered me, dark from bit to bit, I could see fumes of smoke invading my darkness as I closed my eyes. It was my dark pit to give and I wasn't ready to let it go already, I realized that I needed to live it in order to fill the void in my life.

All I remembered were the faint nightmares of the past, a thirst for care which let me towards love, a belief that my share of happiness had finally arrived but all that shines isn't gold. Life still hadn't put an end to my sorrows and I stand here today with no more belief in the fakeness of humanity and lies of the world.

I remember her torturing herself, working hard all alone so that I could have a secure future, the woman who gave me birth. She wanted me to get past the storm in our lives and strive for the stars. But nobody gets the whole world, while some can’t even see beyond the nights darkness, other don’t even know what emptiness means. But me, I was reaching the stars, going through the dark night on the cost of what I thought my share of happiness was. And in no time her sorrows became mine together with her dreams for me.

I still couldn't see past the night and uncertainty was blurring my life like those fumes of smoke blurring my darkness. I perhaps wasn't an ideal daughter and like every other human I had committed sins, done wrong, but now all of those sins displayed themselves in front of me perhaps as my confessions to myself, leaving me with a sense of regret for the rest of my life. With every day passing by, I would try harder to take a step forward towards my dreams with a fear of having to pay for the past sins that haunted me every second. The more I turn to God for forgiveness, more hatred would take birth for myself in my heart because turning towards Him made me realize how I had betrayed my creator through those ignorant yet destructive sins. But as life’s journey proceeded I realized that darkness in its utmost intensity had become a source of light for me, the light which made me feel the presence of that darkness.

It was like i had grown up before it was time for me too and what lay behind me felt like whole life in it. I could see that soon I was about to fulfill my mother’s dreams for me and on reaching those stars, all the sufferings would be paid back for. I knew in my heart that in a time to come, the night would carry itself away and morning would arrive by the grace of God, filling all those dark bits that covered me.

 

 

Author's Note

any criticisms and comments r welcome

Reviews

[Rafia ~ Yellow Girl]

I got engulfed within the fumes from your very first few lines ...
"I could see fumes of smoke invading my darkness as I closed my eyes. It was my dark pit to give and I wasn't ready to let it go already, I realized that I needed to live it in order to fill the void in my life."
It's pretty interesting to give some writing such a sound opening. A person for instance cannot judge what it may be about, all they can envision is fumes. I got lost within those fumes thinking if I would be getting a pistol point right next or simply the endless night staring at me blankly ... but you brought a total different vision later on....
"I remember her torturing herself, working hard all alone so that I could have a secure future, the woman who gave me birth. She wanted me to get past the storm in our lives and strive for the stars."
Up next came these lines, they are defining the presence of two most powerful characters of your plot, which for the time being are the only characters though, i liked this part very much, not more than the previous but equally striking and dominating.
.
Later on the emotions bleeding through your words of a daughter are touching, they are the essence to bring the emotional vibes to your writing.
And then the last but the most beautiful part of your piece is the glorifying connection with God. It's like so much is going on and just a part of it is written which i wish shouldn't have been done.
Putting the whole review in a nutshell I liked the concept alot, its a simple yet the most strengthening concept i've seen so far in all different genres of writings; it has the strength to bring an audience you could hardly imagine my dear, all i felt missing was the extension to the idea. I wish you write the in depth short story or novel out of it, because every reader would wish to read the details of the struggling mother and the humble daughter, how things evolved and took such a dynamic ending.
In short... ;)
C'etait magnifique! :)

[Free Soul]

thankyou so much...these words seriously mean alot...n are really encouraging...and about converting this thing into a novel..well...you know thats just a fantasy sort of a dream right now :p

[Rafia ~ Yellow Girl]

You r always welcome :)
Yes I agree, its a dream similar to the dreams which children have like one of my sister dreamt to achieve. An A* in her scores, it was a dream literally of her mother but the girl made it possible - I was stunned by her scores!; likewise I think every reality is a dream once. ;)

[Anand Sehgal]

I still couldn't see past the night and uncertainty was blurring my life like those fumes of smoke blurring my darkness. very deep imagery :) loved it :)

[Free Soul]

thankyou so much!! :)

[Einstein Noodle]

can totally relate to this. it isn't until we recognize the darkness that light and wisdom can bloom. i like it! maybe a few punctuation mistakes; and misprinted word ?? "let" instead of led?? for coming off the top (or depths) of your heart spontaneously, this story reads easily start, to finish. it stands alone or you can expand on it in many directions.

E.

[Free Soul]

yea there might might be some typing errors, so sorry, anyways thankyou so much for reading :) your opinion means a lot :)