One-sided love

Time may have hold me but it did a number to my heart

I thought my story was like one of those romcom having the guy you know. However let me take you the the beginning. I am just but a child when my friend introduced me to him, we became friends one thing led to another and he was my boyfriend. You would think that's the end you know I got the guy but no. Hardly a romcom because I met someone else who was older had a crush on me was not good at hiding it. .I was confused and was asked to walk away from the first guy only for fate to play a mean trick as time went by I fell for the other guy. Charles was his name yet I was in the arms of John. I could not go back because it would not be fair for Charles and what would he have thought of me, was I ready to loose him now that we were friends? I did my all after a year and a half. John and I took different paths in our life it was time for us to grow. But I did not run back into Charles arms I took time for me to heal only for resentment and hatred to grow in his heart towards me. Day in day out I tried my best to show Charles that I loved him. I changed a lot for him. I even moved on because I was to much for him. Since when was it a crime to love? That the pain was unbearable was my love not enough or was I not enough. Insults and ridicule was thrown my way. Six years down that road yet he was the only disease I knew of. I still love him it must be a joke right must be. How does one move on when they are stuck. I forgot how it felt to be beautiful, I forgot how it felt to love oneself.

I hid behind layers of make up. Moved from one guy to another to just feel like am living again. I cannot lie I made a fool out of myself I broke hearts,but not once did I stop thinking about him. Am I just obsessed with him or is it that the first time I ever loved is when I loved Charles?Am a fool right I did everything to prove I loved him I even became a laughing stoke,but I still love him I pray for him and every time I do my eyes is filled with tears. Am supposed to be in an mad facility I need help. I can not continue on like this I can not still be hoping is not fair to my poor heart. I can not say enough how sorry I was for what I did six years back and I know you were in pain but am sorry to myself that I am not strong enough to hold on more then I have. I want to love you but I lost my chance,I did my best by you and am sorry it was not enough,but I owe myself the biggest apology because I kept breaking my heart for you. A story has ended another begins, because I did my best but it was not enough I won't kill myself for a mistake that has killed me for six years. One day I will get the courage to say good bye maybe all I need is closure. I found what I have searched for the most that's love I found love in my own heart enough for you but most importantly enough for me so I can grow maybe I will find my soul mate maybe it's you but let that be the work of destiny I love you Charles but life will go on and if you are my destiny know I will love you for you.