The Velvet Diary Of Secrets

The story evolves out from the pages of a girl's SECRET DIARY. The secrets of life. The Secret of Love : Pure & Unconditional, and its shades : the MADNESS, the OBSESSION, the DEPTH!

THE VELVET DIARY OF SECRETS

LOVE BEYOND ETERNITY

2001, May 24,

2:40 AM,

I walked down the narrow lanes late at night. Because HE had called me. I couldn’t wait, rushed to see HIM. No bus, no car not even a street dog, I was surprised. How’s that possible? Such emptiness? But I waited beside the lamppost. The clock ran faster & faster. Time was slipping off but I waited patiently. None turned up. With a broken heart, I glanced for a last hope. As I was about to leave, someone called out my name. I sensed a rapid imbalance in my heart beats. I turned back. My eyes met HIS. I stood still. He came closer. My face lit with smile. But wasn’t I supposed to be angry? He hugged me. I didn’t utter a word. His beautiful eyes, his charming smile won over my forced anger. I couldn’t help but give a blush. He smiled & said, “I love you. I missed u.” I told him the same. The sky filled with clouds, the cool breeze whispered through the depth of our souls. The first drop of rain when touched my face, I felt a soothing peace, a breath of sigh. Perhaps, my cardiac muscles finally got a chance to relax, to feel light & free. He pulled me closer, his arms around me. We danced & danced with the melody of rains. I felt happiness all around. I laughed out loud. Perhaps the laughter was imprisoned for years as if I was longing for this moment. Life seemed beautiful. I must live for HIM, with HIM. I mused. He shrugged my shoulders, “ hey!!! What are you thinking about so hard? Aren’t you enjoying?“ My blank eyes suddenly blinked, I shook my head in quick approval. What could be more enjoyable than your presence! I exclaimed in glee. A thought crossed my mind. I loved HIM deeply perhaps so much that I didn’t realize what if he left me forever. Resolving the momentary silence, HE kissed me, my cheeks. I closed my eyes, blushing. I wondered if I could pause this moment forever. But I knew it’s impossible. I opened my eyes, but I couldn’t see him. My eyes started searching him madly. I cried & cried but got no response. I couldn’t comprehend. I ran , ran faster, with a sole hope to see his glimpse until & unless I found his car beside the old Maple.   

               RM

Sitting on the sofa, outside the patient cabin, Mrs. Matthew closed the diary. She sobbed in tears. She blamed herself. “ I wish if I could have given her some more time. I wish I have never let her go away from me to London to study.” Rachael was always fond of writing diary every night. It was her strict rule since childhood that no one should ever touch it. Perhaps the reason Mrs. Matthew never noticed it with that much priority. But now, when everything was almost about to be finished, she thought she could get all her answers from THIS DIARY.

She knew that Rachael was hiding something. A mother could see the pain in her daughter’s eyes. After her return, she had changed a lot. Throughout the five years of the campus life, they communicated only through phone calls. Rachael once told her mom about the love of her life RD. They were happy together. Mrs. Matthew too was happy for them. It had almost been 1 year 3 months now since her PG Convocation Day May 23, 2000. Rachael was back in her hometown India for her further research. Mrs. Matthew went to London once on the day of Rachael’s UG Convocation. That day somehow she couldn’t be able to meet her daughter’s love. She only heard about him, about RD. Rachael was usually restrained to open herself up. Her mother always gave her that space & only asked her things that she herself was willing to share.

In these 15 months, Mrs. Matthew could see the growing dark circles beneath her eyes. She often asked her daughter if she was getting enough sleep, if she was facing any kind of troubles in life, if there was anything she wanted to share with her mom. Rachael always gave a nod & a smile in reply, saying everything was fine. But deep within, she felt nothing but an eternal void what her mother could understand but lacked a slit to get in & reach her. Besides, she rarely talked about RD. Perhaps, some periodical musings of his thoughts, the moments spent together made her smile & cry at the same time & then her mother didn’t let her talk about him anymore. She understood that they perhaps had a painful break-up. She knew her daughter, her love �" devoted, unconditional. She knew that her heart was nothing but an infinite vaulted chamber of thoughts. She thought she must give her daughter some time to get over him. In these months, Rachael got herself too loaded with her research work, a hidden quest for something unanswered. Perhaps the sleep at night was her only relaxation hour. Seeing daughter’s tiring daily schedule, her mother got tensed & the thought of their past terrified her. Mr. Matthew had to stay away due to his transferable job & almost once in three months he met his wife & little daughter. Days passed. One day, the excessive work load & frustration took over his life. Mrs. Matthew was left alone with her twelve year old little girl. She remembered how his sudden death impacted her Rachael’s life, how she used to stay quiet for hours, how much she loved her dad that his absence turned into a destructive unplausive truth shattering her beautiful world . The once cheerful girl was now silent & matured. With time, the two women became each other’s strength. But Rachael started weaving her own nest of solitude which didn’t approve anyone’s entry. However, oneday, a wise young man, kind & gentle won the entry pass with his love & compassion and unknowingly occupied a great part of that little world. Mrs. Matthew was very happy when she first heard of RD. She had felt perhaps she could die in peace, freed of her all earthly bondages. Her daughter got such a loving life partner that she would never see tears again.

2

Tired & exhausted Mrs. Matthew waited for the doctor. She looked at the SOULLESS LIVING BODY of her daughter laying on bed. She recollected that the last night was perhaps one of the rarest & happy nights when Rachael herself proposed to have dinner together at the dining table other than alone in her room. She could clearly remember the spark she saw in her eyes, as if the pain she had always seen her fighting with had turned into fire of victory. The last yet the longest words Mrs. Matthew heard from her, “ Mom, you know I feel light. I am already at the end of my quest. I want to tell you something today. I always loved you & papa. I always noticed your struggle & sacrifices to raise me up. I love RD too. I know you have a lot of questions about him, about us. But there is something more to it that I haven’t told you. Tomorrow after I leave I want you to read my Red Diary wrapped with a velvet paper with a fountain pen attached. It’s in the trunk under my bed. Hope you will understand everything. Love you. Goodnight. “   Mrs. Matthew couldn’t figure it out what she said. She kissed her head, told her that no matter what , her mother would always be with her to love, to protect.

The doctor came out at 2.30 PM . He was worried & informed Mrs. Matthew that there was something very odd about Rachael. “ Mam, we are trying our best to figure out what has actually happened. After you admitted your daughter in the morning, our team is constantly carrying out her diagnosis. We can’t even say that it is a suicide attempt as you say you think. Because, we found no cut or wound in her body, no overdoses of sleeping pills or any kind of poison, but what we have monitored is : excessive high heart beat rate, irregular breathing, abnormal variation in blood pressure, temporary limb paralysis. “

This very morning, when Mrs. Matthew went upstairs to her daughter’s room to wake her up as she was late for her work, she found that Rachael was not responding to her. She shook her, shouted near her ears, cried but still heard not even a mumbling. Mrs. Matthew was shocked, puzzled. She shouted for help, panic-stricken. Immediately, her neighbours ran over, calmed her down, called an ambulance. They took Rachael to the hospital. Before leaving, Mrs. Matthew all of sudden, remembered about the diary. Thankfully, she found it just beside Rachel’s pillow. She took it with her to the HOSPITAL. Mrs. Matthew, helpless, speechless, waited outside her daughter’s cabin for the doctor. She opened the DIARY, she felt it like a HUGE HEAVY DOOR OF A VAULT. She started reading. The first piece dated back to Jun 5, 2000. It says :

2000, Jun 5,

10:30 PM,

I saw HIM for the first time in the campus. I knew there was something weird something odd in me. Perhaps, the reason why I couldn’t make any friends. Neither anyone wanted me to be theirs’. I always preferred to stay away from the crowd. It was suffocating. I came here to learn to explore my subject �" Psychology. But why this guy was grabbing my attention? Why did I always find him stare at me? His eyes were so deep as an ocean, so intense. I was trying hard not to show any sign of attention, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him.                                                                    RM

It was 12 noon. Mrs. Matthew read on. She understood that it marked the beginning of their love story. She became keen, curious, worried. She had already entered the dark vault. The pages, the memories in it were like the candle, the illuminator showing path to a helpless mother. She walked further. She saw the beautiful transition of an unknown familiarity into a strong bond. She envisioned a sweet romance blossoming up. She felt happiness, a smile. She moved ahead.

2000, Oct 10,

11:10 PM,

I never felt this happy. All these months with HIM were so magical. HE reminded me of you, papa. I wished our love story could be like yours & mom. Love is not just a physical attraction like what I see around, it is much deeper than that. It has the power of healing the soul. Years ago, when I saw my world getting shattered, when you left us forever, when mom fought hard her grief, a part of me died. But, now, I could hope the wounds to heal. HIS presence, HIS love completed my world. I felt the happiest. Mom I missed you a lot here. Waiting for that day to live as a family. Mom, RD & I. I loved you both. I felt sorry sometimes, Mom. I couldn’t express my love to you. But I knew, you were capable of feeling its warmth.

                                    RM

Mrs. Matthew felt tears rolling the corner of her eye. She mumbled, “I love you too my girl. What have you done to yourself? Why?” She read on. Through every letters & words, Mrs. Matthew only discovered how they became so emotionally dependent on each other, how one helped the other fighting difficulties in work, in life; how they emerged as each other’s pillars of strength, support, trust & hope in times of good & bad. The mother felt so calmed but soon a surge impatience, “what could possibly have happened then?” Finally, she reached the piece dated 2001, May 24.

 

 

3

The doctor’s diagnostic report about Rachael’s unpredictable health abnormalities made Mrs. Matthew further stressed & worried. All at once, some strange observations crossed her mind. First, all the dates Rachael mentioned (5^th June,2000 �" 24^th July 2001) in this red diary only highlighted this last one-year period, that is, her POST LONDON DAYS. Second, all the times recorded (10.30 PM �" 2.55 AM) showed a vivid shift from NIGHT to MIDNIGHT. Third, an awkward variation in her handwriting �" a gradual transition from firm conscious one to a smoother & more carefree one. Lastly, the most QUEER of all: this piece of 24 May 2001 was rewritten for the next two months i.e., till July. The same lines & words �" purely untouched.

Mrs. Matthew thought that there was something terribly WRONG! This couldn’t have a normal justification. She found BLANK PAGES after the last written piece of 2001, Jul 24, 2:55 AM. Suddenly her eyes got wide opened in shock, after she glanced at the last page of the diary. Mrs. Matthew jumped out of her seat, ABSOLUTE SPEECHLESS, IMCOMPREHENSIBLE. It read as :

2001, Aug 24,

3:15 AM,

I ran faster & faster till I found his car beside the old tree. My dear, HE was inside. Flow of blood was unstoppable. I froze for a second. Screamed & cried. “Open your eyes! No! No! You can’t go! You can’t leave me! I sobbed & wept till I went unconscious. After few breathless seconds of absolute silence, my eyes blinked. I gazed blankly. I became still, mumbling. HE left me, I knew it. Because I have seen it. He was with me, he was not. EVERYTHING IS IN MY HEAD. Everything was my madness. I lost you. But I can’t afford this distance. After a long battle of 15 months, I finally discovered the SECRET KEY of the MYSTERIOUS DOOR that would lead me to you. A patience of just few more moments & here I go.

               RM

The diary dropped from her hand. Mrs. Matthew felt as if her senses were getting numbed, as if her legs could no longer take the load of her body. Her hands turned frozen as ice. For a couple of minutes, she couldn’t speak nor think. Her inner world was facing a terrible turmoil of Truths. All the wounds, pain she fought against for so many years started taking over her & perhaps could strangle her at any moment. As she was about to lose her balance & fall down, a nurse quickly came over & carefully helped her to sit stably. She called the doctor immediately. Mrs. Matthew was then properly checked up . The doctor told her that it was the outcome of excessive mental stress & trauma. He suggested that he would appoint a psychologist to meet her soon.

4

Time passed slowly. The day ended with endless fear, trauma, tensions. Rachael was still unconscious, however showed neither improvement nor decline. Mrs. Matthew stayed at the hospital in her daughter’s cabin for the night, asleep. The clock struck 12. Amidst this, the door knob moved. The creaky sound woke her up. With sleepy eyes, she saw someone standing beside her. She quickly got up & saw a charming young doctor with a heartiest smile. He introduced himself, “Hello. I am the psychologist Dr. Robert Dylan. I came a long way to meet you, to guide you through. Enlighten me .” Mrs. Matthew surprisingly felt a strange positive vibe, a trust on him, perhaps a motherly love for this young man. She told him everything: about Rachael, their little world, THE DIARY and details of every little thought that had crossed her mind. Robert listened patiently. Mrs. Matthew gave a pause. She waited for his reply.

 In a slow magical voice Robert began, “I know everything. I always knew. Don’t be afraid. I came here to save her. But I can’t do it without you. She is in big danger. I can’t see her losing life this way for me. I know it will be difficult for you to understand this whole thing. But I am left with no choice. She is already set out on her quest to find me. I fear she might get trapped in the astral plane forever, the plane separating physical realm & spiritual. With intense meditation & practice, one can project his soul out of the body. Rachael has left her physical body but if she doesn’t return, she may be trapped in that INFINITE VOID forever. Do you remember her dark circles? Those were because of the enormous amount of practice she gave in. She became a lucid dreamer, ie, she recreated our loving memories in her dreams & wrote them serially. She began writing before going to sleep, later she used to write while in dreams that explained her carefree handwriting. The one that she rewrote again & again was about the night we decided to engage- the most beautiful yet the most terrific night. My death. I know you have understood by now. I love her too much mom. She can never reach my dimension neither can I. She lost the stability of her mind, the power to discriminate between the real & imaginary. My death led her to unbearable shock. Mom, she can’t come back to her body unless any strong magnet attracts her back. Your love is that magnet mom. She has not gone far. I brought you close enough. My ethereal dimension won’t allow me farther. The divine power in the mother’s love can only protect her & keep our love alive.”

Robert disappeared. Mrs. Matthew with tears in eyes & determination in heart, headed towards the mysterious destination. Walking & Speeding up, she cried out loud, “Rachael my darling! Come back! I respect your love. But the path you chose was a foolish one. It actually is taking you far from Robert. He loves you unconditionally just like your mom. We are a family now like you wished. I know about his death. I even know about the night you two decided to engage. His first wish to his mom : to bring his love back. I love my children. Have you forgotten your childhood days, how I have raised you with so much love, how much you mean to us? Won’t you come back to your family? I won’t return without my daughter so what it means a lifetime imprisonment in eternal darkness. I won’t break my son’s little wish to save his love. Rachael, it’s upto you what you will respond to : your blind obsession or the earnest voices of your family �" your mom & Robert.”

A prolonged period of silence followed.

“Wake up Mrs. Matthew.” The nurse tapped her shoulder. She opened her eyes, with some blurred visions. The doctor & his team congratulated her.

“I love you mom. I love you very much. I’m sorry. Forgive me. I’ll never leave you. And thank you for everything.” With the beautiful morning sunshine, Rachael hugged her mom & kissed her forehead �" a divine reunion.

Mrs. Matthew cried like a little girl.  Her eyes filled with tears of joy. She stared at the door knob, Smiling & waving back , “Love you my son. God bless you, my dear Robert.” She whispered, “Robert Dylan, RD.”

---------- THE END -----------

 

-          Sulagna De

Author's Note

This is my 1st post. Will be glad to hear your views. I believe this LOVE STORY will surely trigger a sense of SUSPENSE & PSYCHO - THRILL in your minds.
Thank you.