Anger, Erotica, Sorrow and Everything Inbetween

a short to my friends mandi and sam from 2 yrs back

I know I got my issues and you don’t like me bitching about it sorry if it irritates you and pisses you off but it helps so I can get it off my chest and whatnot.

You’re both right I’m not capable or able to handle living on my own it’s my defect I know this. I can’t drive but I can and know how to it’s just I’m afraid to and I wished I wasn’t but I am.

I talk to different people cause many of them have the same problems I have and it helps cause I can identify with them I just plain love talking to people cause then I find out all kinds of new things about different people some sad some funny as s**t and stuff I just don’t wanna know about.

I’m also wrecked and wracked because I recently lost a girl I loved a whole lot she was Karley and that pretty much ate me apart I told one of you about that can’t remember who :P but anyways I just don’t know anymore I do but I don’t. It’s still f*****g retarded that I can’t Mandi cause spic n span wants to be a n****r and get his panties in a twist over her getting a call.

You ask me to forget about Amy and move on okay I can’t just forget about her and I’ve moved on but it’s just little things that remind me of her that bring me back I mean god how am I to forget that minutes before she died as a birthday present she was gonna go all the way then the last words she said to me were "I love you right back" and that’s all I can say without breaking down. I can try but it’s a hard try for me to do I tried forgetting about her in school and I couldn’t.

You both say you want me to get out and do something with my life well s**t come up here, tied me to a wince, and tow my a*s back to your house! Hell I’ll chip in for the gas! TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE GODDAMNIT TAKE ME AWAY!

Let me describe how I perceive anything and everything: in my mind and train of thought I can and know reality from fantasy so I’m not totally insane or crazy just mildly deranged in my mind I know I can seduce a girl with words and f**k her brains out probably and have her begging for more over and over when I see the same chick all I see is maybe a peek of a tattoo and I’ll say "Nice tattoo" and that’s it I shut down completely nothing more comes out of my mouth or I’ll see an attractive chick but I’ll steer clear cause I am not in the mood to get chased away by a gun toting dad hell bent on killing me cause I made a move on his 15 yr old daughter. Same goes for guys. In my imagination I’m a badass gangster, ultimate lover, strong and well built, a cop, a god from old times, a wrestler, the bad guy, the good guy, the anti hero, unkillable, Casanova eternal, handsome, attractive, a rapist, evil incarnate, uncaring, f*****g girl after girl with no remorse, cumming as much as I piss, able to heal people’s problems with just words and a kiss on each boo boo. But my favorite is a lakeside house which me and Amy share like nothing ever happened.

I know how to eat a chick but I don’t plus I think it’s gross.

I know how to f**k but I don’t wanna cause I’m afraid.

I can look at porn but when it comes to either of you two or someone else I’d look away cause I’m shy like that :$

And yeah I would do a 3some with you two but it won’t happen due to my fear and s**t but I know exactly what you’d say to that

"I’ll get the handcuffs!"

"I’ll get the strap on!"

I have had a girlfriend since Amy but that only lasted for 3 mos I think it ended cause I told her friend to shut up and she said "oh no you didn’t" and I said "Yea I did" and that was the end of that and last time I ever saw the pair of them.

Besides she was a bad kisser but damn good and rubbing my shoulders and back.

I wouldn’t do either of you no offense cause your both used and it just wouldn’t be right nor feel right.

I wish I had the initiative to go out to the bars and clubs but I don’t mingle like that.

I am a ladies man online but in real life all I got is one girl her name is Lizzy she’s 15 and we’ve been together for almost 2 yrs now.

I can rape people with my words when I’m pushed to the limit.

So yea I’m weird and complicated hell if I had the initiative I’d go all around the world to every girl I want and kiss them then go to the next one but I’d run out of money :P so that plan’s out the window.

But anyways I’m gonna try to get some sleep or something call me if you’d like doesn’t matter I’ll be around till I actually off myself.

The person you love to hate

peace out, kid aka kevin aka Immortal Beloved