abused

-my old memories ; in spoken word form

Though I try my hardest

Memories of you always tend to resurface

i was supposed to be your girlfriend

but you never loved me

you made me feel worthless.

Every time you struck my physical

It was my mental that was broken 

it was my emotional spirit

that

      was

             torn open.

 

You left me alone

vulnerable

hoping

that somehow through  all the rain and clouds

my sun would shine again

maybe one day i would have enough strength and courage

to let someone else in

to try the whole " love" thing again

 

Though i try my hardest

to keep them boxed in

memories of you of us

both good and bad

memories of the things we once had

memories of how something seemed to start out so beautiful and innocent

turned out to be so deceiving , so bad. 

 

I remember the first time it happened

how shocked

                    scared

                                 hurt

i had been

then i remember how quickly i took you back

After you promised it`d never happen again

how simple your words made it sound

how happy i was that you

the old you from b e f o r e

had come back around

 

Merely days later

the awful  thing took place again

Pause

         Rewind.

                      Play.

same sequence of events.

 

It got to the point where you didn't apologize

 I swear its like you got some sick satisfaction

watching the tears fall from my eyes .

Everything that i loved about you was long gone

          Replaced.

by some unexplainable rage

i don't think you minded my pain

 

And when the black and blue reminders faded away

you would just repaint them in

bigger then before

 

Physically a mess

Emotionally a wreck

You did just enough to keep me

First out of love you swore " ill die if you leave me"

Back then i loved you more then myself

Funny how it flipped around to you threatening my life with death

I swear back then i had to have loved you more then i loved myself

 

i was always the one hurt

you said you love me

but all you ever did was make me feel low

like nothing

Made me question my self worth

Months came

and months went

because of my twisted and confused

love for you

i suffered through the same sequence of events

 

By this time i had no emotions

learned how to use make up on the outside and make myself numb within

in the back of my mind

i remember

silently praying it would never happen again

but it did

    IT

       DID.

you are your satanic fist.

 

but who could i run too

by this time

i was only " allowed" to associate with y o u r friends.

 

I try my hardest but memories of you resurface

late   at   night .

while everybody else can just

lay down , close their eyes, dreaming their sweet dreams

i lay awake in agony.

 

Reliving every dreadful scene..

 

My bodies healed since then..

 

Though in a few places you left your permanent reminders..

 

your ugly mark..

 

the only one i wish i could remove is the scar you left on my h e a r t .

Reviews

[Alex Crow]

Good write, hard subject to potray in word. Keep writing

[G!o]

Wow!! am moved...this is beautiful...