Antidote

Antidote

A Poem by Jenna

Mmmhmm. 
When I think of you touching my skin.
You're the kind of disease I want setting in. 
Mmmhmm. 
Gotta lean with it.
When I pull you closer. 
The temperature rising over. 
Mmmhmm.
You're the kind of fever I want making me sweat. 
Gotta flip around
Prepare up the dosage I'll get. 
Mmmhmm. 

You're the kind of hallucination I want making me insane.
Gotta grip the edge. 
With healing comes pain. 
Mmmhmm. 
You're the kind of injection that doesn't need protection. 
Gotta pierce in. 
Then stay for closer inspection. 
Mmmhmm. 
You're the kind of antidote I want wrapped around my throat. 
Gotta squeeze and release. 
Prescriptions are better performed than wrote. 
Mmmhmm.
You're the sickness and the cure.
Urgent care give me more. 
Mmmhmm.

© 2019 Jenna


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Another gem of a poem! You have a thing with periods I see, which again are jarring, given that most of the thoughts expressed throughout the poem continue onto the next line. Stanza 2 Line 3 - because Line 2 begins with "when I...." grammatically speaking "rising" should be "rises". "Prepare up" in the following stanza would be better without the "up" since there's no real antecedent for the word and "prepare" doesn't really take "up". I really enjoyed the interludes of "mmmhmm", and it made me wonder whether this is actually a performance piece. If so, then you can disregard my last comment about taking out the last one, which on paper isn't necessary, given the previous line ends on a very powerful note. But performed is a different story.

Again, just thoughts. take them as you will. This is a great poem overall. Well done!

Posted 2 Years Ago



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Added on February 9, 2019
Last Updated on February 9, 2019

Author

Jenna
Jenna

Pensacola, FL



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A Poem by Jenna