Lonely

A piece I wrote for a young writers competition which got published in a magazine :)

The worst kind of loneliness is when you are surrounded by people. If you feel lonely, it doesn’t have to mean that you are. If you feel lonely, however, being alone is more than likely going to be the outcome. Relating to this, the worst kind of depression is when you are surrounded by happiness. The laughter and joy merely highlights your depressing situation. This state of being is unliveable, to be utterly alone, utterly depressed. Surrounded by laughing people, it is impossible to think “I’m happy.” You can never consider asking yourself “Doesn’t that seem better than this? Aren’t I sad like this?” It is impossible to consider this to be the reality, because even if you do consider these questions, your answer will be “No. I won’t be able to become that.”

This isn’t a fairy tale, after all. The real world has no “Once upon a time” or “Happily ever after.”

For some reason, you are dragged into this miserable void. It is more powerful than loneliness, filled with more melancholy than any state of mere depression could hold. What happened to you? Why did this happen to you? How did this happen to you?

 

Have you become a ghost, wondering around aimlessly in your own home, with nobody acknowledging your existence?

Have you been surrounded by anger in your house, trapping you inside?

 

Life isn’t a fairy tale, after all. The real world has no “Once upon a time”, but what about a “Happily ever after?”

 

You won’t be able to move if there’s nowhere to go, you cannot cry if your tears ran dry already, you cannot call out “I’m here, I exist” if nobody can hear you.

However, maybe the world is waiting for the right time to point you to the right direction. Maybe you can’t cry because the world couldn’t stand it, and made the tears stop. Maybe nobody can hear you because you have not yet found the one person who needs to hear your voice.

 

I found that person.

 

I found the one person who can hear me. I found the one person who is able to understand when I say “This is who I am, this is what I must do.” I found the one person who can understand loneliness and depression. I found the one person who can smile at me, and make me smile as well. I found the one person who could cure my sadness, my isolation. As long as I am with that one person, as long as they understand me…

 

I’ll be okay.