TeleMarketeers ~Carson's Revenge

A Story by JD Major

Short-short Story: 300 words

Short-short Story ~300 words ...

Carson's Revenge

"Hi, it's Carson at Dandy Products, right here in the city, do you have MagicLight in your home, ma'am?"

"No! Stop calling me!"

... Ever wonder what us telemarketers think about while we're pestering people? Same stuff, I imagine, that you think about at work: sex, I hate my boss, sex, when is hot Holly ever going to notice me, the perfect murder. Stuff like that.

Anyways, back to my boss, Dwight. ... Dwight? Who names their kid Dwight? Some days I wanna punch him just because of that. But today, it's because he asked Holly out; she's two stations down from me. I heard him. "What say we grab dinner after work Friday, Hol, and discuss that assistant supervisor opening I was telling you about?" Yeah, real smooth Dwighterino! ... And she said Yes! Christ! Everybody knows what "dinner" means. It's like coffee times ten! Am I right?

Okay, so now you know what's eating me. So let's get to what I'm going to do about it.

Best as I can figure, I have three choices: A baseball bat? A rope? Or poison? ... Poison is the tidiest, and the least likely to get me caught. One drop of RatGone in his coffee would suffice nicely. And it's the easiest too, as Dwight habitually leaves his Love the Boss mug on his desk while he's patrolling the call center. All I need to do is get another sale, then go put the Confirmation Slip on his desk like always, and a fatal drop in his mug.

A simple and effectual plan! All it takes is one slip!

But wait, I still need to get some RatGone. I wonder if Metro Hardware on the next block handles it. I can grab it on my lunch break. I'll call them.

"Hi, i'ts Bob at Metro Hardware, how can I help you?"

"Hi, it's Carson at Dandy Products, right here in the city, do you have RatGone in your store, Bob? ...Oops!"

"... Pardon me, Carson?"

"All it takes is one slip, Bob. Damn. ... Bye."

... Where was I? Oh yeah. Baseball bat or rope?

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