Somewhat Different

Growing up

I knew

Something was wrong

My parents knew

Something was wrong

The other kids knew

Something was wrong

Touch

It burnt my skin

Emotions

Boiled over

My limbs, my voice, my words

Would move, scream, say

Without control

Every crack

Would literally break my mothers back

People lied

I couldn't understand

Why

School

was the most challenging

The most boring

The most frightening

I had no control

And so many faces

all overloading

Withdrawn

No teacher understood

So many

Parent to teacher

conferences

They all thought

I was stupid

So now I’m older

I still can’t look someone in the eyes

for more than a mere second

I can’t get close to a woman

Because touch, it still burns

The cracks, they still break my mothers back

And she’s gotten so very brittle

So now, I pay closer attention

Every path from the car to work

Or work to the car

Is methodically planned

With different routes

In case something goes wrong

I can’t take change

Even as simple as having to get gas

when I didn't plan it out

I still would rather be by myself

Then with friends

Or in public places

I still cannot understand

Why people shout

Or why people do bad things

To one another

I’m old

I see now, they gave all this a name

A diagnosis

A prescription

People ask me

Why don’t you get tested?

My answer to them,

“I don’t need a doctor to tell me

What I already know

What my parents know

What those who've met me know

I’m happy

with who I am”